A trail of red went down through the hall
Covering curtains, carpet and wall.
Puddles of red were all over the floor
And even before you went through the door.
It wasn't the kids, as they were on stage
Nor was it the pets who were locked in a cage.
In fact, the person who committed this crime
Was actually in the kitchen, writing this rhyme.
It turns out the red mess was actually a milkshake
That had exploded - a terrible mistake.
A contest entry
- STRAWBERRIES by ellipsist.
600 points, ended August 10, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Haha, I love the catch towards the end. I thought this was going to be an angst write until the second to last line. Great use and vision of seeing the theme.
I think the rhyme adds a nice lyrical flow and the lines were long enough where it gave the poem harmony without cliche. None of the rhymes seemed forced either, which is a plus.
Short and to the point, while still keeping the storyline interesting and lighthearted.
good work, this was a pleasure to read.
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Funny
Made me laugh! ^^ -
cute...
creative... clever... I am all out of "c" words to describe this one
well done! thanks for the entry - good luck!
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