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As for the Damned:

There is,

  sorrow, such painful sorrow

lingering,

forever burdening

like a persistent pall

over a once thriving field.

Enter,

the haunted specters

of sorted days wasted,

cursing their sullied past,

grieving for lives

now vague and distant

like a wisp of fog

on the horizon.

Never will they return

to this plane of existence

we call life,

ever they are doomed

to drift

like clouds of dust

through grim ruins,

singing their sad lament.






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Author notes

2007MC21

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • aslanlight
    July 17

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    I can't help but to think theologically about this. But it's also brought to mind a friend of mine who died, in apparent confusion and in a lost state. I know because he came to me days after his death for help. I guided him into the light.

    My point is that noone's doomed to eternally wander in regret and sadness (or fear), because the way is always open. Some of us can guide them and it'd be wise if more of us learn to be fearless and do this.

    An excellently thought provoking write, and it touches the centre of the emotions because it's deeply personal for all of us.

    It occurs to me that many are in a similar state to your protagonists whilst on this earth!

    Peace Georgia


  • chilali
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So very dark indeed but I love the way you have written this. The way the lines are. Amazing flow. Thank you for sharing


  • Para-Dressage
    August 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i like this just the way youve postioned all the lines and i like the flow, and the image created you havent stated what the damned are which lets the reader draw their own conclusion. for me it creates the picture of lost souls. well written thankyou for entering
    ~Valen~


  • Danna Hobart
    August 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I guess I don't get the allusion here. Vampires are sometimes referred to as "the Damned," but I don't think that is what you are talking about. Are you speaking of all people who die? I like the tone of the poem, I just don't get the subject.


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    August 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the mood you paint here, and that this poem can be interpreted in different ways. Congrats on your Raven Qualifier Silver!


  • Mybeautyisfake
    August 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for the entry.
    good luck =]


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    August 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Profound!!!


  • PerfectImperfection
    August 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very deep and depressive. An interesting piece of thought woven from the darkness. Thank you for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!


  • Ale E
    July 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It was good. Nice writing style and format. Nice use of words and imagery as well. Good luck in my contest and thank you for entering.


  • open-hearted
    July 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    im new to thsi whole thing but Shit that awsome


  • Jiyo
    July 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    good imagery, and nice format, good poem, wandering spirits are aways a nice topic of poetry

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    July 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very nice write. Thank you for your entry and goodluck to you xxxx


  • Northern Raven
    July 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Two images were instantly created in my mind from this poem, the first being ghosts of the dead hanging in limbo between heaven and hell, stuck because of their wasted lives, while the second image was of the living dead, meaning those people who in later years looked back and saw how they had wasted their lives, possibly in doing evil things, and they are trapped into those lives with little or no hope of escape. Although this poem seems fairly superficial with the use of colloquial language, I personally feel there is far deeper meaning in them on the author’s part, and the images created, though fleeting, reinforce the strength of the work. I think the author could expand on this poem quite dramatically without it becoming a burden for the reader. I know I have truly enjoyed reading it and would have liked more if it had been available.

    Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.

    Northern Raven


  • arnica karuna
    July 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I particularly like the concept you have used in this poem. The length of lines is a very important aspect of any poem and I am really hapy to see that you have made excellent use of all tools to make your poem do justice to the dark emotions that it is built on. Most poets tend to overlook this essentially influential aspect while penning down their dark thoughts which would have been better expressed had they used a different length of lines! I am really impressed with this part of your writing.
    The poem as such also, is very strong and the images, really vivid. There's a strange sense of rhythm and music to your work, which is again very difficult to attain in poems of this genre.
    My favorite part:
    "Never will they return

    to this plain of existence

    we call life,

    ever they are doomed

    to drift

    like clouds of dust

    through grim ruins,

    singing their sad lament."

    Thanks for entering the Raven Qualifier and Good Luck!


  • Girl With Guitar silver member
    July 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very well done. Thank you for the entry.

    Bandaid.

1 - 15 of 15