It hurts so bad to think of you
Lying here trying to make it through
The pills
Solving all my fears
Running through the night alone
Your words cut me to the bone
Ofr all the things through the years
I'm thankful for my sweet tears
Trailing down my face
Hiding in my secret place
Screaming, holding on to nothing
But forever feels like something
Pleading, bleeding, crying for you
Dying, trying to make it through
Without you
Engulfed in all my fears
Praying for the tears
Now my vision seems so clear
I am thankful for my tears
~DevinCora
A contest entry
- Broken Hearted and Lost loves by Lillian Rose.
600 points, ended July 25, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Its something...
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is so sad.
I like this a lot!
The words you have chosen fit this piece, along with it's title very well.
I think I can relate to this very much so. Although, for me, the pills don't solve my problem. When I'm venting with anger or being broken hearted, I like to write lyrics.
Trailing down my face
Hiding in my secret place
Screaming, holding on to nothing
But forever feels like something
Pleading, bleeding, crying for you
Dying, trying to make it through
I believe that this is a good part in the poem.
"Hiding in my secret place" ah--a nice secret place to hide from all of your fears, problems, and tragedies that fill our life-clever.
"Pleading, bleeding, crying for you, Dying, trying to make it through" That's a VERY strong part in this piece. It honestly brings it to life. The intention of that was good and it turned out great!
I think a lot of people can relate to this, which makes it even better.
You truly did a great job!
Sincerely,
~Poetrydove~
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So sad and touching! I really love this.
"Screaming, holding on to nothing
But forever feels like something"
So true, the last line of that. Very nicely done, I figured I'd go read the rest of the poetry I haven't seen before and leave you some encouraging comments! ^_^ Keep writing, you're doing marvelously!
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This is a very good write. I loved the flow and the emotions were screaming through the words. Some of the line really hit me, while some just seemed ordinary. Either way it's kept me hooked all the way through. Thank you for entering this into my contest and best of luck to you!
Casey
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Feels like
a song: the lines are very emotional and vivid, brimming with powerful phrases: "Pleading, bleeding, crying for you"; ""Dying, trying to make it through"... have you considered writing lyrics?
I liked the way it is short; succinct, to the point and full of impact.
I didn't like: some of the cliches you introduced: "Englulfed in all my fears" and "Your words cut me to the bone"; but, please please please dont think I'm having a go at your writing; really, I am just trying to help you progress your style into what, could be a brilliant poem.
However, I, like I said, liked the way your poem is short: short in a good way. Short in a way that the message is not tangled up amongst irrelevant parts of the text (which arguably my poems might do )... and that is because there ARE no irrelevant parts to do so with!
So keep it up; consider ot using cliches at all... and you could be a truly great poet!!
blackburn
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Sometimes it help to just cry, and clean out every bad thing you've seen, just makes you feel so much better. And sometimes it helps to just bust out laughing ever done that, just laugh for no reason whatsoever?
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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