one morning your eyes
open – so soft, so wide
the sun hangs out a fragrance
of love (I fall from
your orange tree voice)
in blossoms wild and white
I know your body sweet-
heart like night the stars
now warm and dim
(like you) sometimes life
becomes so good
graciously beautiful:
one morning love the hour
unfolds the body awakes with
a bird’s-eye view of itself
In a list
A contest entry
- Metaphorically Speaking by Lyrical Soul.
355 points, ended July 22, 2007, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
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i love this write
a brilliant piece of work.... i love it
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A stylish and successful poem. The imagery is interesting and evocative and the structure works well. Congratulations. Chris.
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This reminds me of ee cummings' style in it's interwoven meanings and word-association form which floods the inner levels of consciouness, like half-sleep, warm and soft, but rapidly rising awareness.
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a breath of fresh air from the princess of poetry.
so good to see the real you up to par again.
Tamara
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Thank you, dear Tamara....
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Mine kind of poetry. Just... I would like to see you breathe orange blossom fragrance with a joy of and with smile. To see you fly like a bird on the warm wave of love.
~Sonja~
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Thank you, Sonja...I would love to breathe that orange blossom joy again too...
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Well wasn't this a breath of fresh air, beautifully penned and easily consumed, your metaphors reach out and take hold as we read, beautiful girl!
my pleasure of course to read ~Tia
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This is gracious. Absolutely enjoyed - slowly and quickly. This is one of the slowest poems I've ever read.
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Very beautiful
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I thought the best part was
one morning love the hour
unfolds the body awakes with
a bird’s-eye view of itself
Great write and congrats on the trophy! -
Beautiful and peaceful ... "Sometimes life becomes so good". Congratulations on the bronze!
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wow, this is great... congrats on the win! great job! keep it up! l8er!
Crimson -
The language you use is beautiful, and the use of words is great.
Very beautiful soft poem.
Keep up the good work.
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The poetess writes with such beauty,loved the fruitfulness within this,I may never,ever be able to find the words to validate what your penmanship wings across the page and brings to life,love and light,Yvette
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A WONDERFUL POEM
good use of metaphores i enjoyed reading this poem thank you for sharing it and good luck in the contest -
Excellent!
This piece has such a personal feel to it, loved the ending: "one morning love the hour
unfolds the body awakes with
a bird's eye view of itself"
Very enjoyable way to start my day!
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sweet
beautiful soft lanuage used here:
the sun hangs out a fragrance
of love (I fall from
in blossoms wild and white
I know your body sweet-
heart like night the stars
now warm and dim
i like this good job poet
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This is an interesting piece.. it seems to have carefully placed linebreaks and enjambment. I admit i tripped over some of the lines.. but I liked the effect of the nicknames woven in to the piece..
nicely done
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Thanks Jess - good to see you again. I must admit that I wrote this in quite quicky, lol...it still needs some editing
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gentle and fresh like morning dew glistening in the rasberry glow of a new beginning
just beautiful
best to you,
Michelle
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I woke up in the middle of a pitter-patter song against my window this morning, so I missed the sun's waking eye. But how lovely it would have been to see the sun, hanging out the frangrances of love (especially in summer season, where the scents of fresh mown grass still lingers through the air)
a gracious poem, with a beautiful core (and body) - like it's owner
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soft and gentle like a falling blossom, there is something special about mornings and thoughts of love...PK
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lovely ... as always ...after a few reads and enjoying the washover of emotion, language and touch, i peck and hunt through the crafting .. (with affection)
love the line endings .. that
'body sweet
heart like night'
luverly ... (amongst others)
and ooooo i smiled and smiled at
'now warm and dim
(like you) sometimes life'
(lovely line endings working before and after ... )
the final stanza ... the first line allowed me to place a comma between each and every single word (cept for 'the')and get a slightly different viewpoint - making each my own thereby allowing me to infuse my meaning into yours ... (i ramble) ...
the universal of poetry ... yum yum .... >>> gina -
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Thank you Gina - so good to see you around here again. If there is one person with a finely-tuned poetic eye that is you and I so appreciate your comment!!
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thanks ... my apologies to EVERYONE !!! ... i have been in and out spasmodically and stealing moments here and there - reading reading and sometimes (as is the way) without the words to express my enjoyment of the piece... i am in meltdown at the moment ... getting ready for my trip (am going to join my daughter and Jon in Switzerland for a month ...) ... meltdown as i said ! ...
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You know what I like about this poem? You have made the words fall down the page like the blossoms from the orange tree voice...it reads much like that way, with them swaying back and forth; wild... and I think you have purposely left commas out where one might have put them to achieve this...
also,
"so soft, so wide
the sun hangs out a fragrance
of love"...oh, I love the personification here with the sun in love with this person's eyes...birds, of a feather...which relates to your last three lines...sigh,
I also like the slow, steady, sleeping beat of the heart...like a star's dimness....honestly...Nicolette...I could go on and on about the genius of this poem...and it makes me wonder why the hell I won the gold...to tell you the honest truth...lol
This reminds me of watching somebody you love while they sleep in the morning before they wake up
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Thank you Tara for such a lovely comment.... I so love the way you dive into a poem. Congrats on your gold, my friend - it was well-deserved!!
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Soft, tender, beautiful...like she who penned it. May your vast store of loving words, so beautiful, never run out.
Blessed be,
Billie Jean
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Thank you, dear Billie Jean.... I too hope that I'll be able to stay "this way" despite bad experiences with that thing called love...
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Congrats...I am at work and I want to read this again and comment on this when I get home...but I wanted to say congrats, before I g
and applaud, too
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This is so soft, so beautiful. It's gentle on the eyes, the mind, and the ears when read aloud.
Thanks for sharing, and best wishes in the contest.
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"(I fall from
your orange tree voice)
in blossoms wild and white"
I love the imagery in that line. ~sigh~ Such a soft and beautiful piece of poetry you have written here. Very gentle and very loving.
Beautiful!
~Lyrical
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incredible use of metaphor
this is a beautiful piece and the imagery of the following lines were AMAZING:
"the sun hangs out a fragrance
of love (I fall from
your orange tree voice)
in blossoms wild and white"
it inspires such warm feelings!
lovely flow and form... wonderful!
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A beautiful line here:
"(like you)sometimes life
becomes so good
graciously beautiful"
Your words evoked a warmth that made me smile. Thanks for this entry.
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this is just beautiful nic.
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Awash in Feelings...
Breathtaking!
Your Poetry is graciously beautiful, it lulled me to dreamland...
"I know your body sweet-
heart like night the stars
now warm and dim
(like you)"
...Sighhh!
Heart wrenching, Scribe.
~ Nicholas ~
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The love and the wonderment, from time lost inside a memory and inside a passing dream, very spectacular glimpse of what was so beautiful.
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that was as if you just channeled the spirit of Octavio Paz.
Absolutely breathtaking.
Nick
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Thank you, Nick...especially for linking me to Paz - wow!
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"the sun hangs out a fragrance
of love (I fall from
your orange tree voice)
in blossoms wild and white"
Sighhh...I agree with Al's assessment, Sweetie (except for the "lately" part; it ALWAYS is). This is gorgeous, my Sister. Good luck in Robin's contest. Vlindertjie
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Oh Nicolette, your poetry is so full of music and magic lately... this is beautiful on many different levels...
al
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Thanks, Al... I guess I'm going through a "musical" phase
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