Contradiction Exception

These eyes of mine are still closed yet still see,
All of the shit that's happened between you and me,
I despise the thoughts you put in my head,
Yet at night I lie awake in my lonely bed.

Thoughts in my usually calm mind,
Have come to a sudden stop and put me in a bind,
Mind over matter doesn't seem to work,
After all I am only a little sales clerk.

A simpleton like me can't hope to hold someones affection,
Because soon they're gonna realize I'm like a bad infection,
Crying all the time over what I can't fix,
They'll all find out soon that I'm running out of tricks.

Calm on the outside and yet crazy on the in,
Is what has kept them from knowing my true sin,
Playing the role of the innocent little girl,
Is getting so old it makes my hair start to curl.

I'm sick of only a few knowing the real me,
But I'm afraid to let loose and let them all see,
The few people I have are a rare exception,
They somehow are okay with me being a walking contradiction.

Despite the way people already look at me,
I think they're ready for the real me I decree,
Yet this is why thoughts of you make me sick,
Through all of you're talking this could just be a trick.

Are these new feelings I've found a lie,
Or can the truth let me touch the sky,
It seems a new world lurks out of reach,
The new support I've found could be the breach.