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dunes shift





 
                                                                      dunes
                                                            shift
 
                            the
                    in                desert


a

                                l

                                              o

        s
                 
                                                          t
 

camel

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • DancingRed
    August 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is really quite amazing!
    It's rather interactive -- you allow space for the reader to turn their head on one side and figure it out for themselves. I love that about this poem.
    Thanks for entering.

    DancingRed.


    • between slices
      August 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      ooh.. i'm surprised!
      why, thank you very much! i much appreciate the gold!
      bless ya!

    • between slices
      August 23, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      merci beacoup!! i much appreciate your views and i glad you got interactive with it yourself. thank you so much!!
      bless ya!


  • maa gold member
    July 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is truly amazing ...
    an outstanding job done on this concrete haiku, formwise and aesthetically ...
    brava !!!

    maa

    • between slices
      July 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much, maa! i'm glad you really liked this too. i appreciate your read and your views!

      bless ya!


  • azure85 gold member
    July 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the revision that you have done, it is excellent. I am glad you followed Polly's advice, thank you so much for your entry.

    • between slices
      July 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you!! i'm glad too!
      my pleasure you liked this piece and i'm honoured to receive silver. thank you so much!

      bless ya!


  • Pollycheck
    July 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This rewrite is really good. I think that it is much better than the original. Excellent job.

    • between slices
      July 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      *nods*
      thanks for poking me to revise it! now that i look back, the previous really sounded bland.
      thank a lot! i appreciate the silver!

      bless ya!

  • Pollycheck
    July 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering our workshop/contest, "The Shape of the Haiku." Good luck.

    ...........
    ..........
    .........
    sand
    storm
    -

    d
    u
    n
    e
    s

    re
    locate
    ...........
    ............
    .............

    Very nice haiku with a great concept behind it, but it seems to be more made up of statements rather than of sense images. I am sure that you could describe the same thing using images. I look forward to see how you will accomplish it.

    • between slices
      July 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      aww... so much for my 3 worded haiku..
      'tis ok.. i can forgive you for making me do this Polly..
      lol.. i've made a revision. check it out.


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    July 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was intresting and descriptive. i like how you set it out. makes it unique and different. a wonderful write well done and best of luck.

1 - 13 of 13