Once more into oblivion -
What demons do you run from?
What creeping nightmares cloud your eyes
when you wake from whiskey dreams?
What is it that you long for?
In that hazy, late night moment,
between confusion and sleep...
Is your quest for love?
For freedom? For trust?
Or simply to forget a world
that hands you heartache and pain...
A contest entry
- Last of The Summer Poets (I want to give points away) by jaffa-forbes.
624 points, ended August 25, 2007, 28 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For Poets With 5 or Less Trophys - Prewrites Only by Starz of Heaven.
525 points, ended September 3, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP Book Contest-- get published! by tinuelena.
900 points, ended September 19, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites that dont suck. by parachute fog.
400 points, ended October 20, 2007, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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nice view of the life and the momments of life..you have emotionally thought the truth of this life with a flavour of touchy poetry within..well done...
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Wow. That was intense.
"What demons do you run from?
What creeping nightmares cloud your eyes
when you wake from whiskey dreams?"
That gave me shivers. Astounding imagery and "whiskey dreams" was just brilliant.
I also love how you can change the mood of the poem from dark, to longing, and then in the last stanza, from light to dark again. It worked and flowed seamlessly. Absolutely beautiful. Nice job -
wow this expresses what i feel at this very moment. I am alone for the first time in my life, and i rarely sleep soundly. I lie awake wondering where i need to be and who i need to be with. I love this, great work!
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I really like this.
"Or simply to forget a world
that hands you heartache and pain..."
a perfect ending.
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This is very strong. The opening line/title helps to set the scene and then the rest of the poem doesn't fail to do it justice. The opening verse, I feel, is the strongest, as it really points to the fact that both before and afterwards one isn't in a particularly good state. It doesn't deal with the issue of the mental state *during* this quest for love, freedom, but it doesn't have to. Good work. Bench
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This is an amazing poem. Very captivating.
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very powerful poem... well done and captivating writing.. thanks for sharing
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"What creeping nightmares cloud your eyes
when you wake from whiskey dreams?" That, the whole poem, is just brilliant! You've managed to say so much, in so little. Truly amazing!
Keep it up,
xx
V/E
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That was really amazing, a powerful and deep poem. I especially like lines 3 & 4.
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Wow, I expected it to be longer, but I am amazed that you could capture so much imagery in such a short poem, and I think that dragging it out would have taken away from its power. It's rather simple in wording, but complex in thought. Very captivating and excellently written.
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Alcoholics have a torrid time with their addiction yet no one who has lived with one can see it as anything more than a problem rather than a disease untill it is too late.
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I liked this a lot. I liked your ending stanza the best i think. Great job getting across your point with fairly little words! Great job my fellow poet. Never stop writing.
aleXox -
Very well written,
What is it that you long for?
In that hazy, late night moment,
between confusion and sleep...
Yes... Indeed the centre piece of the poem.
Well done
~T.S~
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This is an amazing piece. I like these lines :
What is it that you long for?
In that hazy, late night moment,
between confusion and sleep...
Thanks for sharing and goodluck to you.
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GREAT JOB!!!
I really enjoyed this poem! Very good passion and conviction seeping through the words. I really enjoy the poetic justice in the last Stanza:
"Is your quest for love?
For freedom? For trust?
Or simply to forget a world
that hands you heartache and pain... "
Very good job, well done! Best wishes and good luck! P.S. Congrats on the Bronze Trophy!
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i really like this one. nice flow and passion. Particulary like the first stanza 'whiskey dreams' - nice. Good luck.
jaff -
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Thank you for your lovely comment - good luck with judging the contest! you have a lot of excellent entries!
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I would bet it's the latter......
Good questions, all. Short and to the point. Good work.
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Is your quest for love?
For freedom? For trust?
Or simply to forget a world
that hands you heartache and pain...
I think we all wish to escape the heartache and pain and find love or freedom. I think you did an excellent job on this write. thank you for sharing.
poeticanjil -
A really interesting poem that kinda makes people thinks a bit. I really like the second stanza, it's my favorite one. The only part I don't quite like is the last line. It's a little downbeat and seems a little weak. Then again that could just be me, so don't worry about it. Otherwise I really liked it. Good luck fellow poet!
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WOW!
Very good! I Loved it!"In that hazy, late night moment,
between confusion and sleep..." Wounderfull! I through you a rose
and blow a kiss ♥
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i like it. i can feel the scene. im not sure if that makes sense, but, "what demons do you run from, what creeping nightmares cloud your eyes when you wake from whiskey dreams" i could feel you talking, could feel what you were saying. very.. personal? maybe? im not sure what word im looking for. but its good. very good. and i love the second stanza. and i think the question mark is just fine where it is. but thats just what i think. keep writing. and thank you so much for your comment.
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This is like really good, infact i love it? It makes you wonder, I like it how its a questionable poem, leaves you thinking of what you want and about and outta life, i like the part--
Is your quest for love?
For freedom? For trust?
Or simply to forget a world
that hands you heartache and pain...
That one got me thinking of myself and what I am looking for! Keep it up..you have some really good talent that may take you far! -
I liked this. But I really don't see the concrete connection between the first line (and title) and the rest of the poem. I liked the rhetorical questions used in the poem. Maybe in the second stanza the question mark should come after "sleep" instead of "for" as sleep is the end of the question.
Thanks for sharing.
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