A slight yawn, and blurred eyes,
that water fills, but do not cry.
Soothing music, played so soft,
and dimmed lights, bright aloft.
There is no one here for me,
I wish my father could only see...
The night isn't old, but neither is young,
this tedious "merry making" has not long begun.
I look in my head, the girl of my dreams,
she dances towards me, in my head it seems.
I take her hand, and hold her near,
Our eyes tell us both what we wish to hear.
But still, deep in love, it never does last,
I come back to the present, a little too fast.
My dream girl gone, a fragmented memory,
never to come, and stand by me.
A contest entry
- CONTEST by Flames-of-Furey.
461 points, ended July 25, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Wow what i was looking for a brilliant set the scene at the beginning and the reality that your soul mate is not on the dance floor wow so vivid
really enjoyed this one thankyou
good luck
favorite bit would be the scene that is so important
"Soothing music, played so soft,
and dimmed lights, bright aloft.
There is no one here for me,
I wish my father could only see..."
Loved the grand words you used it captured the fancy ball
"this tedious "merry making" has not long begun"
This really set you mood i was impressed you really grabbed my attention.
well done *appause*
-
This is pretty good Midnight. It flows really well, and if i'm not mistaken, it's from a male perspective. This is definitely how guys get over their 'dream girl', I can certainly relate to this poem really well. I like it because you've tackled a male POV on a delicate topic.
Good rhyme as well, none of the words seem forced or out of place
well done.
SaintJimmy
Adding your comment:
