The lightning gave fire to my soul,
rolling thunder called my name;
my heart delighted in forgiveness.
Peace became the breath of my body.
Rolling thunder called my name
the power of the Spirit flowed through me.
Peace became the breath of my body
and faith stood by my side.
The power of the Spirit flowed through me.
Love filled my cup as the harvest wine
and faith stood by my side;
I dread not the cold or darkness.
Love filled my cup as the harvest wine
my heart delighted in forgiveness;
I dread not the cold or darkness,
the lightning gave fire to my soul.
Author notes
This is an unrhymed Pantoum, a variation on the strict form, a free verse influence.
In a list
A contest entry
- Sacred Chants & Hymns Of Praise by Crystal Chanda Lear.
1000 points, ended August 17, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - .•**THE PANTOUM**•. by LuzAradia.
600 points, ended December 27, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
I willingly accepted Pantoums that drifted a bit from the form and I think you did this well, still keeping the feel of it. However, I don't think this has achieved the perfection it could. I didn’t understand the reasoning onto why the rhyme was broken other than just a choice to not follow the ABAB format. I think to bring this out you can tie in a negative vibe to the piece. I think a great idea for this would be to allow the repeated lines to become a paradox. The first time it is shown it could be on a happy light yet on the second line you can twist the idea with something negative to make the phrase seem like something completely different. Just a thought on how this could become a more powerful piece.
-
I too have never seen an unrhymed Pantoum before, but it lends itself perfectly to your hymn to fire and thunder and the life-force therein. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering this marvelous piece.
-
I love the form you have used. It works well with this poem. The flow is smooth and the imagery is wonderful. Well done.
. Rewarded 4
-
Wow, I really like this form of poetry, I also love this write you have here, it's good even if it don't rhyme, it still sounds great. Keep up the good work.
-
I've never written a Pantoum, rhymed or unrhymed, but you've shown me how it should be done. Such a strong spirituality here...it lights up this page like lightning...the power, the light and the inner-warmth it allows us. Wonderful, soulful poetry.
~ Nicolette
-
This is the first non-rhymed pantoum I've ever seen and I must say, it's effective indeed. A well written piece that expresses so much. Very spiritual and well thought out. Thanks for sharing. La x
-
Recently I had to unplug the computer several times because thunder storms endangered the delicate electronics of my machine. Quite remarkably this took place when I was working on certain pieces; as if (forces incontrol of) nature did not want me to finish what I was writing. In one case thunder came from clear skies without a cloud in sight. This occurred only when writing a certain type of article. As a result of this strange phenomenon I decide by the weather conditions if writing efforts make sense. I write guided by thunder. I enjoyed reading your work of art very much - it reminded me of what happened lately at this end. Take care,
U
-
-
Thank you U
the lightning seems to have a message for us all...PK
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
