hands wrinkled
with the aging of emotion
planted remembrance,
impacted minutes;
hoed soil
that threatened to bury
memory
& forget the watering of
celebration.
somehow,
time rode the breeze
weaving the stems -
almost-snapping
growth pains,
when the wind left
by the seduction of tornado,
unguided by weather-nurtures,
wings open –
praying for pollination,
because those without virginity
are beautiful.
the bee came premature…
fingers identical to those of creation
pluck anything too composed,
goodwill’s not heredity.
placed in
heaven ?
between the glass walls
stained with sin,
shivering spinal cords are
banned from photosynthesis,
instead,
rain caught on tongues
itchy with smells of saliva
& murked by adultery,
laws hoping to be broke again.
toxins of treachery
scream high notes through
wilting whispers;
the prison window
that made everything grim
shatters,
pesticide feet
step upon the shards
and bleed lavender lives;
destroyed.
Author notes
For Teen Idol, Top 7 Round.
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 5: Round 7 [Finals] Part A by Tangled Angle.
350 points, ended August 9, 2007, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your BEST Prewrite! - For Mike [degarmo] - by Never Fall in Love.
950 points, ended October 29, 2007, 130 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Very good poem I enjoyed reading this kinda has a dreary feel but I like it Good luck in the contest
-
i would like to thank you for sharing your talent with me through this wonderful write. i wish you well in the contest that we both have entered. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
-
When I read this, all through-out, i felt that this was ryan.
Looking down at comments confirmed everything ..
quite tired at the moment .. so all I´ll say is ... ryan and his brilliance
(hopefully I'll give you a productive comment later)
Never ♥
-
I loved the beginning, I loved the end, however I felt the middle few stanzas could use some tightening. I think throughout this season your wording has improved dramatically. I actually agree with Tyler that so far this is my favorite write of the round. Good luck!
-Shirley
[Scores: originality/theme - 14; ending - 10; title - 13; line breaks/rhyme - 14; images/depth - 10; consistency -flow - 10; consistency -grammar/style - 14; first impression - 10; total - 95] Highest Score Yet GOOD JOB!
-
-
Wow, thank-you
-
-
Damn, that was good. My personal favorite so far this round... by far actually. You and Amy did impress me most though.. so far. Best of luck in the challenge.
-
-
Gee, thanks Tyler I was hoping I was able to step it up at least a little.
-
-
Stuff I said on MSN.
And other than that,
I love the theme.
Brilliant.
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
