wrists bound,
hands
sowing no kindness
without gain
feet chained
walking not
where treasure's promise
isn't found
throat shackled,
choking gentle breath
of selfless word
(freedom's testimony)
. . . desperate for redemption
In a list
A contest entry
- Quickie Alphabet Contest, 20 minutes, 10 entries, 30 Words. Beat The Clock! by Cupcrazy.
700 points, ended July 21, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is outstanding. Love the beautifully descriptive stanzas. It amazes me how you have so much thought and skill to make such a thoughtful piece in limited time.
Stanza one, I'm not sure why you chose "sewing" instead of "sowing" or "showing". Love the "wrists bound"!
Nice insight on the 'selfless word' being wittness of freedom from selfishness.
On the idea of the depraved being incognizant, possibly something along the line of 'crazedly fleeing redemption' or 'bondage shunning redemption'? The word count restriction makes it difficult, if you wish to stay within it.
Congratulations on the trophy. I really enjoyed this piece!
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Powerfully written. Imagery is perfectly expressive of the theme. Phrasing is captivating and thought provoking. Filled with profound but illusive truth.
Love the wording of these
hands... sewind no kindness without gain
feet...walking not where treasure's promise isn't found
Wow! Splendidly written and very convicting. Here is the depravity of man shown in brilliant verse. I love the last line though I wonder if depravity sees it's own need.
Fabulous!
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you make a very valid point about the selfish depraved not recognizing it's need for redemption. HMMM, what word could i use that shows the desperate need without it appearing that the depraved necessarily recognizes the depravity? any ideas?
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Wonderfully well written...love your choice of words..
All the best! -
Nice take on the prompt, I found it pretty clever and unique. Good luck!
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Beautifully written, loved the phasing and the emotion. The ending is perfect. Hugs, Bunny
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Your prompt is Indentured Immorality
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there is no S, pick another letter, see the contest page
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