we tease life into each other
and he tells me honestly
that I talk too much,
should get shot of the habit
of drinking vodka
and add less colour
to my mediocre poetry,
he gifts me easter in july
as he loves me nethertheless,
within this I am born again
and feel more christian,
curling the compliments
I reply only
that I appreciate frankness
for I am lost for words
within the warmth
of being uncloaked
yet valued as best dressed
In a list
A contest entry
- closes at my discretion by Melissa Gayle.
400 points, ended July 21, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Aww this is simply a wonderfull poem. And you used the metaphor soo well. Amazing job.
Keep up writing
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oh wow!
this whole poem was wonderful-- the choice of words, descriptions...
it was simple yet elaborate combining real life with well... poetry.
"he tells me honestly
that I talk too much,
should get shot of the habit
of drinking vodka"
only one thing: a typo "nethertheless" --> nevertheless
beautiful work!
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Rash Hashana in June...
immediate - quasi collective and rolled into a merging center bound with faith, spirits, and threads of descrete dimensionalism. the only thing missing is the scent of vodka and a rabid dog named, Buckshot.
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wonderful metaphor...
this is a beautiful piece...
"mediocre poetry" my left foot!
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Sometimes a poem is good because of a simple thing called . . . sincerity.
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Nude not naked
Love holds us clearly and we know that we are not lacking only that unique crystal of self that fractures light in our own way. When our rainbows sing in another land, then dance with the leprachauns and don't hang back alee from the wind.
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this is great and you have pen a wonderful poem
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i loved this. i know it has been too long since i have last read you but this is truly wonderful.
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