Shuffling slow tread heard
softly moving in the night.
Stooped and old he follows
the path worn by decades
of nightly ritual.
Cold air swirls icy breath
placing its painful frost touch
on weathered skin.
Stooped form's silent shudder
belies the quiet stoic frame.
Onward, softly onward he plods.
Unsteady steps echo hollow in the dark.
Tiny lantern's feeble flickering light
vainly strives to part the night.
But, onward he goes. Nothing deters.
Goal finally reached,
he lifts the object and turns the key.
Then, with a soft sigh
starts slowly back down the worn path.
A steady tic tock heartbeat fills the night.
© joyce Ingebritson
Author notes
POW
A contest entry
- Anything by Madison Mary.
1000 points, ended September 18, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write Challenge by Nicolette Everett.
450 points, ended November 25, 2007, 71 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Group Contest: Perspective by Sandal.
600 points, ended November 18, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This is an awesome poem. I loved the way you ended this poem. Ienjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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"A steady tic tock heartbeat fills the night." - since you have "tic" instead of "tick" I feel "tock" should be "toc" but just a suggestion. Though the correct spelling would be "tick-tock" but sometimes poetic license is needed for simple aspects of a poem.
A good poem that you have written here.
-Nam
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I enjoyed this!
I enjoyed the story like feel to this piece, love the topic and title, great job on this one! Good luck in the contest!
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We have a cuckoo clock, which we tend twice a day - the title and the images were clear to me. This clock appears more like a sacred trust than a household timepiece. Thanks for entering the group contest!
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To me this is a sad but not really sad poem. To me I see an elder walking a path that has beaten at him, but he has pushed and clawed his way through all he's been through and in the end though beaten down and achieved the things he's needed. He still continues.
Good job! -
Another one where I must ask... what you trying to say? I've read it three times and still don't get it... so either im dumb, can't relate, or you're not very good at communicating... hmmm that's not supposed to be taken as an insult kay? Cos it could be the first two so yeah, do you mind explaining it to me please? Thank you...
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Pow? You mean prisoner of war? I can't find a connection, though.
Easy to picture, good details.
I liked:
"Tiny lantern's feeble flickering light
vainly strives to part the night."
Thank you for entering,
Good luck.
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Good job. I'm so sad with what happened in the POW.
Luv,
Candy
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Nicely done. I love the second verse. The imagery in this really brings the character to life. Thank you for sharing and entering my contest.
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Lovely poem...kind of sad! Lots of great imagery.
Carolyn
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Another fatal mistake for another Poet ~
Another brilliant write ready to go to the finals.....and
you place your signature on the bottom ~
I can not break my rules of anonymity once it has been given ~
I am wondering why all the brilliant writes are falling short of silly mistakes!
Please join me again for the next contest after I post this one ~
I am saddened more than you are over this...trust me ~
A wonderful entry which has to be turned away....*sigh*
Bear ~
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well done good luck
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The imagery in this was so vivid, it was as if he were standing right in front of me.
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Thank you, I could see him in my mind as I wrote.
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