As the morning star gallops serenely
across the sky, an infinite consortment
of colours arrive for the meeting of
the cosmos. The earth and sky draw some
sweet surcease, in their contest, for the luminosity
of the human hearts heady contention, while everything
merges into surreal cacophony upon the heavenly palate.
A prismatic view to be beheld, a million in one
hews; the providential bells toll as the thunder wraps upon
the mortal subconscious; silencing the measly white noise
that has become man-kinds invention imposed increasingly
burdensome; for once, we the problem are hushed.
The winds speak the mantra of this natural domain.
Hearing the wind, the water bevels the message
into the stark and forever strong quiescent onyx canvas;
The vigilant gladiator, our golden sentry illuminates
the path for each onyx transcription; as the message is
translated for the masses by the rains cadence,
a melodic masterpiece the Earth may only understand.
Author notes
I would like to have either a dad or a title of your choice. I'm 21 if that helps direct you at all. Best of luck with the contest.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Well done this is an excellent poem
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Well Written...
You master much vocabulary and imagery, along with allegorical viewpoints, but you disappointed me with the last line. I loved it, and it reminded me of Daniel's translation of God's message to Nebuchadnezzer's Son. Very Good in all. -
Amazing
This piece is masterfully written! Your command of the language surpassed all my expectations...The sensory imagery is astounding...the subject matter's verisimilitude unparalleled. GREAT PIECE -
damn this is good!!!! love the vocabulary!!! -Jacen.
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This was a great poem about the cosmos and I love this one section the most
for once, we the problem are hushed
it relates to the way I feel at the moment -
crawls like ivy
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this is a beautiful passage
well written in its meaning
you are a very talented writer and it's a pleasure to read your penned words
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Beautiful imagery all throughout the poem. Lovely use of alliteration and assonance too. I think the flow can be made better by revising on the meter and not ending a particular sentence in the middle of one line, and then starting the next sentence in the same line.
All the best,
Charishma
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Thanks for the advise, I will consider revision with your improvements in mind.
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WHOA! This is just brilliant my young friend! This poem is replete with arresting and original imagery, incredible poetics, and has an amazing natural vs. man-made theme. I am really shocked and rather disappointed and upset that this wonderful work has not gotten more recognition and comments. Really a tremendous piece of poetry. BRAVO!!!
David Michaels
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I really like this a lot. It just makes us and the earth seem so small in the grand scheme of things. Again your vocabulary...aloft above my own...but i liked the particular use of "white noise" --yes i have been watching ghost hunters too much but! it was good because it just made us seem less important--less unseen--less heard in the scheme of the cosmos. good write.
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