you told me you loved me for being all irises, and
soft angles lit from within by a smile
roughly shaped like a comma
(because boys don't know how to handle with care and i am a package
left out in the rain.)
the inevitability was that
i loved you
the first time i climbed into your voicebox
and let myself // mingle with your skin .
so sometimes,
it's okay that we
fight and let the words
drip like alcohol off the side of the mouth
of a girl who parties too much now
and makes out with lafayette boys she barely knows
just because it feels right
for two seconds
and they're so blurry now that it just seems like a dream,
something in between eternal happiness
and a total fucking train wreck of lust.
(but last night
hurt.)
or what can we say? we're both
falling apart
falling
fall.
yours just happened a little bit earlier
and mine just a little bit faster.
you were the one to
lock me in an hourglass and
drown me at the bottom of your bottle of rum and
kiss me on hammocks.
you told me july 4th
that the fireworks
made you fall for me just a little more because they
all looked like my eyes
and i called you a drunk.
just tell me i'm perfect
one more time
and there's something in me
that would forgive you
just for saying an old phrase between us.
BECAUSE!
|
|
v
there's something about you that just
tears me apart
and i'm sorry that
i can't be the cheekbones
that yours love to rest upon
--------all because my eyelashes love to collide a little too often
with tears.
(but i don't act like
everyone loves me
when i know that's far from the truth boy.)
i just act
like i don't pay attention.
and you act
like you know me
but there you go makingassumptionsagainandagain
to try and make your shitty denials
seem less pathetic.
(swallow me down.
oh,
what it'd be like to just
drip away... )
Author notes
so this is where we stop.
with me in between you
and your jack daniels
againandagain.
but you can never really say you're happy or
more put together than i am so i don't want to hear you say
you can if i'm gone.
A contest entry
- The Sky is Alive by sweetpearl.
2975 points, ended July 29, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Your poems are very beautiful. It takes my breath away. I can relate to your words and that is what makes a good poem in my opinion.
-
It must be difficult trying to live through someone, trying to be with someone who is constantly drinking. It must hurt when they say certain things and then take it back so quickly. This played out like a short story or movie of two people ... no outside others, just the two of you and the struggles, half love, things that seem sweet but are really just false words and actions thrown into the mix because his brain can't function properly.
"i loved you
the first time i climbed into your voicebox"
--this is a great idea and picture. I can see you climbing in and climbing out.
"something in between eternal happiness... - ...hurt.)"
--this part stuck out, it seemed sad then it went to angry then back to sad, but it wasn't weak sadness, it was apparent and strict.
"that the fireworks... - ...and i called you a drunk"
--you can really see this part being played out. I'm unsure of the voice though ... are you calling him drunk with playfulness and flirt or are you calling him drunk disappointed and ashamed? Either way it works.
"all because my eyelashes love to collide a little too often
with tears"
--reminds me a bit of me. Some people cannot handle sadness. They know you are depressed from day One and they still want to get with you and when they finally do they say they can't handle it. I don't get people. That's what this reminded me of ... personal experience.
The ending was strong and melancholy. It drifted off so the reader feels a bit sympathetic and wishes the speaker finds a way out. I hope this is where it stops. You deserve better.
-
you have a beautiful way with words...
and i absolutely love reading your work.
simply lovely.
absolutely beautiful.
♥
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