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Please Say That You Love Me

Please say that you love me,
even if you don’t.
I will go to the war gleefully by hearing that.
And in the distant battlefield,
when there will be a turbulent time,
I will have your memories.
I will tell my comrades imaginative stories about you,
they will make fun of my stories and which will embarrass me,
but there is happiness in that embarrassment.
At night when everyone in the camp will look at their sweetheart’s photo,
I will look at your photo and hide it like a precious object under my pillow.
When I will go to the frontline,I will keep your photo tied with my chest.
So if the enemy pierced your photo they will pierced my heart as well.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 44 of 44

  • dutch2lips gold member
    July 22
    Edit | Reply
    a really heartfelt write, so good, thank you for entering


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    This was very good I really enjoyed the write it felt very personal and well I hope all is well with you. Thank you for sharing.


  • Desdmona
    March 27
    Edit | Reply
    The last line is...wow. The structure didn't appeal to me so much but I like the war imagery and how you carry it throughout the piece. You get repetitive with your words, though which is slightly annoying because I think there are zillions of words you could use instead. Don't get me wrong, though, this is a wonderful and beautiful piece. Well done. Good job and good luck! ~Des


  • perfectsunset gold member
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    Aww.. this was truly beautiful, & deeply emotional..

    the ending was just so heartfelt & really
    tugged at my heartstrings..

    thanks for sharing this.. it was wonderful


  • emc2
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    truly a beautiful poem. I love the line:

    "When I will go to the frontline,I will keep your photo tied with my chest.
    So if the enemy pierced your photo they will pierced my heart as well. "

    That is a person truly in love. good luck in the contest.


  • Raining Kisses silver member
    January 31
    Edit | Reply
    This is a really powerful write, nicely done and good luck


  • Blooming Poet
    January 7
    Edit | Reply
    love is the source of muh pain. 7


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I commented on this one before I believe I found it have wonderful imagery and emotion, I was looking more for remembrance tributes for our fallen soldiers, but this does embody the feeling of loss and separation. Thanks for the fine entry, hugs, Bunny


  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great Work

    thanks for your entry, i'm not being a prude, but i've got plenty to judge and I did enjoy your piece. best wishes in this contest mandie


  • l33t-n1nj4
    August 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow that was not what i was expecting but better that last line tore me up i can feel the love and emotion in this peice good job


  • Foxydaze14
    July 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well done! You did an excellent job on getting the emotion out. Scoring: Creaticity, 10/10- Emotion, 20/20- wording, 14/15- overall you scored a good 44! You will be moving on to the next round! After a few days I will contact you to let you know what's next.


  • Luckintheshadows
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, I think this is a really, really sad poem. I like the way you've written this, and it sounds good when read aloud. I think you've created some truly beautiful imagery, and I can see why this poem has won 2 golds...Thanks for sharing this, and taking the time to enter my contest,

    Luck.


  • lilblueeyesmine1978
    March 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This has a lot of emotion and it is very well written. I hope you keep up the great writing for your heart tends to shine right through the wonderful thoughts expressed in your great writing here.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    February 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This makes me feel really sad, because I've been the one asking for someone to love you, even if they don't, because you love them so much and would never let them go. That no matter how hard things become, they are ALWAYS on your mind. It makes me want to cry that someone could be that dedicated.
    Just to be told that they were loved, for their tying moments in battle to beautiful *tear*

    • Sabir Abdus Samee
      February 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment. The war of the poem is fictional but it was written for the girl I love. Inshallah I will marry her on 27 February and now she loves me a lot.


  • HisPrincessMaloka
    February 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow. That is extremely strong love and EXACTLY how I feel for him. It's not unrequited, me and him, but nevertheless that is complete selfless, unending, bearing all things love. Thanks!


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    January 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful imagery and emotion in this piece. Thanks for the great entry. Hugs, Bunny


  • Breaking Inside
    January 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow that is great! good luck in my contest.


  • Jeb
    January 7, 2008

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    Nice!

    This was a very good poem! If you are or were serving this country of ours in the Military I thank you. I myself served for 3 years. Good luck and thank you for entering this in my contest!


  • Nam
    October 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "When I will go to the frontline,I will keep your photo tied with my chest."

    There should be a space between the comma and the "I".

    So if the enemy pierced your photo they will pierced my heart as well. "

    The first use of "pierced" I believe you mean "pierces", your second usage of "pierced" I believe you mean "pierce", unless you rewrite the line to make more sense, and remove some filler words, EX:

    "So, if the enemy pierces your photo, they will pierce my heart, as well."

    I would recommend removing the "So" in the beginning, it's not really needed, and you do not need "enemy" either.

    "If they pierce your photo, they will pierce my heart, as well."

    You start with short lines in the beginning, then make even longer lines in the end, this cuts on flow, I would suggest this as an alternative to what you have above:

    Please say that you love me,
    even if you do not.
    I will leave gleefully by
    hearing that you do.

    In the distant battlefield,
    when there will be a turbulent time,
    I will have your memories—
    though you aren’t mine.

    I will tell my comrades
    imaginative stories about you,
    They may make fun of my stories
    which will embarrass me,
    Yet there's happiness
    in that embarrassment.

    At night when everyone
    in the camp will look
    at their sweetheart’s picture,
    I will look at yours,
    Hide it like a precious object
    under my pillow.

    When I journey to the frontline,
    I will keep your picture near to my heart;
    If the enemy pierces your picture,
    they shall pierce my heart as well!

    --

    Or something like that, I'm not stating that exactly, but, I think from the above you can see how it reads better than yours - perhaps? I did edit a few words, removed others, cut down the lines, and I feel a presentation as I give to you above would be better suited for your poem.

    As I state above with the rewrite: your poem has the potential of being better than what you have. What you have is okay but from my standpoint: that's all it is: okay.


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    October 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    bravo!!!

    congrats on the win of gold


  • Vienna110
    October 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is very sad and sweet...very good job this is one of my favorites so far, good job and good luck!


  • xHeartofDarknessx
    September 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very Well Writen
    it was very hard to decided the winner
    but all in all evan though you were all very good
    and hope you will enter my next contest comeing soon
    so i am now saying tank you for takeing part in my first contest
    Kepp up the good work
    Thanks


  • Heavens Child
    September 9, 2007

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    This is soooo sad. You open and close this both very strongly, with words that grip at the heart. Thank you for entering.


  • rhondasail
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very moving and sad piece you have written here. Congratulations on the gold trophy it won for you. I have a few fixes to suggest...Line 3: 'after' hearing that; Line 4: 'distant' battlefield; Line 6: 'memory', but not sure, as it is can work, but is awkward grammatically; Line 8: 'and' is unnecessary, a comma there would suffice; Line 12: 'tied upon my chest' or 'tied to my breast', as written, it is suggestive of you carrying a chest with you ...Line 13: if the enemy 'pierces' your photo, they will 'pierce' my heart as well. Otherwise, a sharply focused write that conveys great heartache and almost a deathwish to end the pain. Well penned, just those few typos ...Peace, Rhonda


  • Para-Dressage
    August 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is really touching,love is something that many people attempt to convey but fail miserably but you are one of the few that have captured it nicely i like it.
    "When I will go to the frontline,I will keep your photo tied with my chest.
    So if the enemy pierced your photo they will pierced my heart as well."

    that is a beautiful way to end. thankyou for entering
    ~Valen~


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    August 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    nicely written


  • Anastasiya
    July 25, 2007

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    Oh my god! I am not an emotional person, but you almost made me cry. This poem is the best way of expressing your love to someone. Thank you for enetering my contest.

    • Sabir Abdus Samee
      July 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment. This poem is not my most favourite poem but this is one of my favourite poems (I guess). I hope it is ok by your contest rules.

  • Leaving Today
    July 21, 2007

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    sad

    another sad, touching poem, one can understand it just in the beginning by reading first two line. In 8th line I think it is better to use comma or the 9th line should begin with capital B. Overall, I liked reading it, nice one


  • Kari gold member
    July 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I feel and totally hear your cry in this poem. You did great expressing yourself, and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

    BrokenWingsFly

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