the cold steel wins

as i place the burning barel of this smoking gun to my head.......my finger grazing along the cold trigger......memories rush through my mind like a never ending story....a story of failure. of pain. a story of passionate rage........a story of life and death......but will anyone truely remember my name........this entitie.....this ghoast of me that will haunt you im sorry for........this bleeding heart will bleed no more.......and as i pull the trigger my life flashes before my eyes and regretful thoughts stay lost in my mind playing back like broken records......back like old movies on run down screens.....i took a swing at the curve ball life threw at me and missed drastically......and now my empty body that lyes here lifeless in this puddle of warm blood on my empty carpet twitches..........aches for the first shot didnt kill me.....but why?.....because its torcher, i. deserve. torcher.....to fel the ache the unknown pain ive brought among others i say i loved. and yet i never knew what true love was......for i ws scared. scared of the word the feeling, scared of the reality of it.....and the hurting that came with it....the only thing i ever truely love were my cuts. my own bleeding body, the burns that left welts in my olive colored skin, the scars that were left when things felt so uneven..........and here now as i slowly lift my hand....raise the gun so gently because i have no strength i place in to my mouth allowing it to rest on my chin....i deserve to die in the harshest of ways....so before i pull the trigger i apologize i let my body dwell on the over extremities of the pain it feels...and mentally lose myself in what i did so wrong......so dont remember me.....dont cry for me.....dont say you loved me........just know that everyone is much better off without me.....the world is so much better off without me.......