Lay my head back and close my eyes,
the world is both still and spinning at the same time.
The blackness of my closed eyes
becomes a spun blur of color
which rushes to my brain.
The world is different,
brighter,
darker,
spiraling upward towards the sky
and the sky's the limit.
The swirling in my head
the burning awake,
the following numbness,
the taste unlike any other;
The nummy, nummy, in my tummy
in my teeth,
down my throat,
and I can feel my face open up.
The quick inhalation,
the snort,
opens my face and lungsd
so I can feel each molecule of air
that passes through my sinuses.
I am alive.
I am aware
of higher senses,
smells, sights, and tastes are better.
I have deeper thoughts,
feeling philisophical,
having the deepest conversations
of my life;
doing things I wouldn't normally do
starting to feel the reality
feeling myself again
hating how much I have fucked up
how could I be doing this to myself
how can I let myself do this
at the expense of my responsibility
I need to clean up
I need another line
Author notes
A very personal poem, trying to clean up is hard and facing the reality in the process is even harder.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Addiction runs in my family, unfortunately. I was a pill popper for a few years and went cold turkey from everything. I still get the urge to shove random shit down my throat. I imagine that doesn't even compare to this, though.
Best wishes and good luck...
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hanks, I appreciate the support...I had never really had any kind of addiction problems until I discovered cocaine, niow the cravings are unbelievable and the self-control is hard to maintain, until I re4mind myself just how screwed up I was....
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