They bid me not hold
True to these thoughts
Mere fancy, a loss
Of reason and hope
Yet I disobeyed
With steadfast resolve
Reached for golden lid
So here lay ambitions
Escaped with abandon
To populate my dreams.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I quite like this -- and admire the steadfast, almost rebellious, attitude of this poem. Bravo. I think ParadoxFry makes a good point... the first line of the last strophe is confusing. Perhaps a different word than "lay" would be more affective/clear??
Still, this is a good poem and I enjoyed reading.
Kind regards,
Helen -
I like it. I like that last stanza.
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I really dig shorter poems... less words to say more. I really like this piece specifically, too.
That said, I'm not sure if I should be filled with hope, or dispair. In particular, your choice of words "here lay ambitions" implies a rememberace, like a tombstone epitaph. As though the ambitions are dead and gone. I'm confused because they escaped to populate your dreams. So, I'm unclear if your ambitions have been dashed and they haunt you in dreams... or maybe i've missed the point completely? (I'm having an obtuse day, evidently)
None the less, I like it... the flow, the feeling.
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