crispy brown leaves
caught by autumn wind
float and dance a saucy jig
then swirl and scatter
into helical shapes upon the lawn
the organized chaos of their lines
forms a labyrinth--an ancient map
pointing towards enlightenment
mesmerized by the splendid design
a question surfaces within my mind
meditating on the problem at hand
beseeching the infinite for disclosure
I walk the pattern contemplatively
oblivious to the crunch of leaves
ground into dust beneath my feet
sold into compost as the price of my salvation
in the fading light of a ruddy sun
I find my answer and smile...
Author notes
This post originally had three blank lines at the bottom to space it better on the page. Unfortunately, the system counted those lines and displayed on the contest page that the poem is 23 lines long (thus over the 20 line limit). Removing those lines did not change the count on the contest page. I am hoping the judge ignores that erroneous count.
With the exception of "enlightened", which I modified to "enlightenment", all words were used as is.
A contest entry
- Wiley word bank by Star Shine.
500 points, ended July 23, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Captivating
I love how each poem you write zt has this secret to it, the secret soul of the poem, and somehow you write in such a way that the secret seems to be my own and I realize that I can feel the words in my blood at the same time my mind forms the words and they all come together. your writing speaks to my subconscience, even the autumn leaves follow the fibonacci rule.
Beauty flows from your pen (or your key strokes)
~Kar
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I'm impressed you know of fibonacci numbers. Thanks for stopping by...
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This was a very beautiful poem. I loved the imagery. Anything that has to do with autumn is an obsession for me. I loved the phrase "saucy jig." It was cute. Beautifully penned!
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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Final editor's note: This was indeed awesome and striking, hope you will enter my future contests, and this is deserving of being a featured piece, thanks again for ashring your creative wits.
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gorgeous
Once again, you have mastered a contest. I love the way you used the words given to you, and how the end leaves us contemplating what exactly your answer was. As most of your poems do, this one really gets the reader thinking. I love your descriptions and imagery. Beautiful.
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I don't know about "mastering" this contest, as the poem didn't place. But I do thank you for your generous praise!
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This came out of a word bank? Amazing!
My favorite part was here:
I walk the pattern contemplatively
oblivious to the crunch of leaves
ground into dust beneath my feet
sold into compost as the price of my salvation
You are a fantastic writer zt. I am always glad to see a post from you!
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I count the actual lines, this is an inventive and creative entry, very thoughtful and spiritually fired. Well done. Thanks for the entry.
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"The thick leaves in my murmur
Are rustling like a dream,
And all their myriad voices
Instinct with spirit seem.
Have we not been from childhood friends?
Have I not loved thee long?
As long as though hast loved the night
Whose silence wakes my song.
And when thy heart is resting
Beneath the churchyard stone
I shall have time for mourning
And thou for being alone." ~ Emily BronteI sometimes think word-bank poems are the most difficult to write, so well done on that count.
With regard to the poen, personally, i find it impossible not to see paaralles between the persuasive language of the autumn woods and the idea of enlightenment itself. The truth is, we as human beings want to walk with the spirts and the small wood-gods... we want to lift the veil of mundacity and see what is on the other side. I think this piece is a little personal quest for wisdom and understanding. Each time I read your words, I feel and exhilaration and a vital rush of acceptance. And such a superb ending - I thank you for sharing this spiritual oddysey.
LM ~ YL
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yes
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