I don’t suppose you see it
when his finger points your way
then crooks, pulls in, beckoning
in his foreboding way
Along his arm is darkness
stretched tight to hollow eyes
His skinless skull is searching
This shepherd culls his flock
Swift the ticket for the journey
is passed from hand to hand
and the voyage past understanding
has begun to never end
Most will turn around with warnings
but his hard cold engineers
have their hands down fast full throttle:
time’s no longer dressed in years
The unseen curtain’s opened;
in display – the vast beyond
eyes no longer need to see:
no light, no warmth, no sun
All things that mattered don’t
no measurements persist
no time, no length, no weight, no temp
no comparisons exist
there’s nothing beautiful
nor nothing dreadful here
A status is unfathomable
In this the soul’s frontier
Author notes
A contest entry
- DEATH YOU ARE DEAD by Purush.
600 points, ended July 28, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - whatever you want by Anonymous Shadow.
600 points, ended October 1, 2007, 119 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Alone At Last by MyMudPies.
450 points, ended March 20, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You deserved much better!!!!! by Great Cthulhu.
1450 points, ended March 16, 2008, 41 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Soul Killers and Salt Pillars by Loki.
1650 points, ended January 3, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All pets go to Heaven by desiredpain.
1155 points, ended January 20, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life/Death Revisited by ashjoe76.
1800 points, ended March 26, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Versatile Poetry Round 2! by EmbraceTheJourney.
550 points, ended August 6, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write Me Another Life PW's ALLOWED by Intricate Wordsmith.
600 points, ended November 10, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can you cheer me up? by Forgotten Lilith.
406 points, ended November 7, 90 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 53 of 53
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Yea, this poem has nothing to do with my contest. Thank you for entering my contest, "Can you cheer me up?" Best wishes.
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I don't really see too much of a connection between this poem and the prompt, but thank you for entering, anyway.
It's a lovely, image-provoking poem all the same. Good luck with the other contests. -
Ahh, I just finished reading a poem about death and I almost think they're poem would've applied to this prompt better, but I'm not going to write about their poem, or course. This is an all right interpretation of the prompt. You approach death as being something neither magnificent nor something to fear. That is basically what the prompt is searching for. However, I do wish there had been something about the seasons in this poem. That's why I chose that prompt in the first place. A lot of people choose to write about the fear of death, the fear of the reaper, but I think there's a lot more to it. I would've loved to have seen the seasonal aspect applied to this poem. That was a very important part of this prompt.
There are certain things I loved about this poem. The imagery is absolutely wonderful. I could see his boney finger beckoning. The second stanza is especially full of strong images, descriptions that break free of the usual creative boundaries that hold people in.
As far as suggestions, I have no major qualms with this poem at all, but I do think it could use a bit more strength -- not saying that it isn't good on it's own, but it has a strong potentiality that with a bit of work could be something wonderful. The rhyme is a bit generic, and I feel as though the last stanza could be a bit stronger. It seems to lightly tap me in the gut rather than punch me in the gut like a really good poem does.
My favourite line would have to be "Time's no longer dressed in years." This is a very interesting line. The metaphor is strong in imagery and it's very thought provoking. The metaphysical aspect of time is something that will never cease to amaze me, and you touch it right there. But there's so much more to it. I imagine someone who is dying to not be seeing the years that passed them by, but a flood of memories all merged into one entity, the soul of the being passing. That is a very strong line.
Thank you so much for entering and keep writing. This poem has a very strong backbone and with a bit more muscle could be and Olympic winner. =)
-Je -
So true, the reaper is not a whole lot to be scared of, he is mearly death.
I love your description here, and your poetic style.
Thank you so much for entering
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Its very impressive that you have a little collection of trophies for this poem. I enjoyed reading it and I could picture the words in my mind. Thanks so much for entering the contest and good luck.
♥ -
thanks for the amazing entry. i really adore the imagery youve used to describe death, but i'm not so keen on the seemingly constant enjambment. you use some punctuation and not all; the inconsistancy annoys me a little.
thanks again and good luck. -
Very nice poem, great rhyming and rhythm. I like the topic especially Great poem, keep up the good work and thanks for entering my contest. Good luck on your others too
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Good Luck!
This is wonderful. Thanks for entering!
~Tabitha -
"The unseen curtain’s opened;
in display – the vast beyond
eyes no longer need to see:
no light, no warmth, no sun"
These are my favourite lines! Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
-heva ♫
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This is so awesome and just so intense...it's amazing! Thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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this is so intense! i loved it!
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This has such powerful imagery and is very intense and strong. Very great piece. Thanks for entering my contest, and good luck!
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Deep poem and powerful imagery. Good luck in the contest
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Peer Pressure :)
This is a lovely write, with lovely rhyme and rhythm
Thanks for sharing, and best of luck in the contest!
Maria
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I really like this very well written poem. This contest has shown me some of the best poetry I've seen here. Please consider also subbmitting this to the"Book of Bafflement Project" group. You will retain your copyright ,of course.
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SCARY! LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -best of luck
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A nice poem that you have written here.
-Nam -
"time’s no longer dressed in years."
^^ that was indeed, my favorite line.
This was full of really great images,
I really quite enjoyed it
Keep writing & good luck in the contest! -
Truly Impressive. Congrats!
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Excellent stuff. The last three stanzas really drove it all home for me, and that last line is stellar. Thank you very much for entering.
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I enjoyed this very much. Congratulations on all the wonderful cups. It's earned them. Thank you for your entry.
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Wonderful piece. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said.
Thank you for your entry. -
I'm not sure what it was but when I loved the flow of the first, third, fifth, and sixth stanzas, I was dissappointed that the rhyming didn't sound as good in the other stanzas. I really enjoyed your poem and thanks for sharing!
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Obviously, with the number of trophies that you have already won with this piece, you are well aware that it is a fine poem. You have utilized a wonderful skill in your use of description and your attention to detail is spot on.
Having said that, I get the impression that this piece is more about death than the end of the world, particularly when I refer back to the quote that is Option1.
Nonetheless, thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest! -
Good job liked this alot , the flow is really great all the way through too!
Thanks for your entry -
this is so bleak. and I mean that in the best possible way. Not exactly what i was thinking when i said forever but I love that you took it somewhere new. The poem is very good.
Good luck and thank you -
It's very important that our philosophy and science become more capable of scaling, like a small company wishing to grow, we need much more in place and preparation than we've began to muster. I don't know how many people realize how important this is, I guess the relative few who have some sort of grasp of the implications of infinity and eternity.
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Intriguing
Liked it so much, read it a few times over.
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it kept my attention the whole time
i like it, in fact, i love it -
Great job. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck
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Well done, thank you for your fine entry in the contest.
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Great entry - thanks and best of luck.
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I really enjoyed this, your discribed something that normally can't be discribed and you did it amazingly.
A wonderful write and I wish you all the best in the contest.
Rose
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Shya likes it!
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Wow!
I really enjoyed reading this!
The message is really good, and you delivered it very well
Good luck in my contest! -
If this had been a new poem, I would have thought it was a neat metaphor for black holes. Regardless of that, I do like this poem for what I imagine when I read it. It flows very well.
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whoa. nice way of looking a mr. reaper. there's a really nice flow to it.
thanks for entering. -
no comment...I will simply applaud in absolute silence!
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WOW!!
I say it again, Wow! This is incredible, it's really hard to find a favorite stanza. You've done a wonderful job with the alliteration and the imagery is splendid. I enjoyed reading this immensely, thank you ever so much for entering my contest! Kudos!
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oooo...I loved this...It is very passionate I really dig it..great write and good luck
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What an end stanza - beautiful - prompted nicely and really draws the effect of the whole piece within it nicely.
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This is a wonderful poem, though I won't be able to add it to the finalists list because of the rhyme... not that I am not a lover of rhythm and rhyme, I am. This contest was to challenge the metrical poet to elude rhymes (and I know it can be very hard for a rhyming poet).
Sneding
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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very nice
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You have captures quite some imagery within the lines of this poem, and I actualy like that I have tried to find a certain form in this poem but failed to do so - probably because I'm not the greates form writer
anyway, if you could come back at me with the form you have used, that would be greatly appreciated
thank you for entering the contest - I wish you the best of luck!
Leander -
poems about deah rles
i ama bigfan of things on th reaper the way
you put his still wa realy twistd . i
hope 2 read some mre peoms lke this.
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This poem was very nicely executed throughout. I really enjoyed reading this one. Thanks for entering and good luck to you in the contest.
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Cheers! Well executed. My only criticism if any
is that the meter falls off in the last stanza's 1st
line,otherwise this is a full-throttled, show me the way to go home, write
"The unseen curtain’s opened;
in display – the vast beyond
eyes no longer need to see:
no light, no warmth, no sun
All things that mattered don’t
no measurements exist
no time, no length, no weight, no temp
no comparisons exist"
Welcome to my contest! Welcome to DEATH!
lovelightpeace
liquid
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VERY cool. I got shivers from the sense of hopeless and dread you gave until it got to the end when it said there was just...nothing. Nice touch. I'd like death to be painless, if it can be, wouldn't you? lol. Great job, keep it up!
Luvs,
Cj
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Not bad
i like the way you have written this poem. You've done very well. I like how you personified your option. I thank you for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kassie -
Complete non-existence in death... is that what you're saying? It's an interesting take & all the more so because you end with the mention of a soul despite. Nice imagery throughout. I find this one's more to do with the "end of life" than actual "life" itself... thanx 4 sharing!
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thanks for this wonderfull entry...it has some nice chilling imagery to it...and i liked it as a whle...well done and good luck in the contest
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THanks for entering this creative piece in the contest! It indeed has some great imagery within. All the best to you!
Frogz~ -
I suppose through the sands of time you never do see the reaper knocking at your door,some deep imagery held within this,
Thanks for joining in our Sands of time.
Warm thoughts
Frozentearz
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