spread eagled
across the barn door
dew ran down his arms
like dandelion wine
his beating heart
a living ruby
we stood by the old Ford
tractor, watching
waiting for
the transformation
.
A contest entry
- Unbridled Two by zara.
450 points, ended July 21, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Interesting imagery, and not what I'd generally expect... The openess of subject makes this work much better for me, the who and even the what pinned there gives this added substance. The religious connotations give us a framework, but it evokes more "children of the corn," southern gothic, horror americana than anything else. For some reason the ruby heart (or maybe you and your image and the old antiwar posters of doves impaled on bayonets) brought to mind a bird... the image stuck with me. Good ending for this.
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very very vivid... I am imagining the sets of eyes watching might be those of children seeing someone larger than life - or not (but waiting to see that nonetheless in tranformation). that image in the middle of the door is tremendous -- from the Ford and from the reader...
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yes ... this is a vivid sketch... quickly drawn with the morning light...
i sit here, waiting for the dew to dry...
lovely D
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I was a thinking on my way to this poem what I was going to say, that is of course the wrong way to go about things, one should arrive without thought, pristine as it were, virginal, and then the mind can be freshly violated by the poem.
This is Ariosto the painter at work, the sorta thing a painting might do, except I am not quite sure what I saw.
That makes the painting work you see.
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I am trying to remember what I read in the last year where there was a scene in a barn and N, a child, told of a chap who had a tennis racquet - he disturbed the birds nesting then stood batting them all until they were a visceral mass of twitching blood and feathers on the ground. This reminded me a little of that image (well it must have done for me to recount it.) My own heart actually thumped while reading this, but then your art has the effect of enveloping the reader.
Congratulations of the silver.
Stefan
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Oh yay! So happy it's you!
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Interesting - this is the second entry (of six!) in this contest that reflects WC Williams in structure: the short lines, two lines per stanza. Maybe it's a common way to "let loose"?
Something reminiscent in this of that Stephen King story about the body - movie-ized into "Lean on Me" or some such title. Kids fascinated with death.
This is very clean, full of images and wonder. The narrator doesn't give everything away, and yet the story is very clear. "Living ruby" is wonderful. A great little poem! Thank you for entering.
Z
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