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Secrets and Emotions

I look across the room;
Looking away as you saw me look,
I couldn't help but as a blush swept across my cheeks.
I ignore my "friends" talking to me;
Trying to figure out,
Why you looked back.

I bit my lower lip;
Wondering why I had to sit next to you,
In the corner of my eye.
I saw you lean on the other table,
I could feel the electricity between us.
Oh when does this class end?

I winced afrad I would die;
Then I slowly open my eyes.
How am I not dead?
That's why...
But he wasn't here when...
Why did he save me?

I lied for you,
I kept your dirty little secret.
But I want to know the truth,
I want to be with you.

I promise I'll wait,
But not before it's too late.
Is it wrong that I want to spend my life with you for eternity?
Apparently to you;
I'm not aloud,
But I will find a way to change that.

I had to choose between you and him;
You should know the answer,
I promised I'll be by your side no matter what happens.

It hurt...
You abandoned me;
I cried for hours, days,weeks, even months,
I can't get you out of my head.
It's like your the voice in my head,
I was cold everything about me.
But you came back,
I couldn't believe it.
Then prove it,
With your sweet  lips.

"I love you"

Bella Knoll
7/20/07

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 28 of 28
  • Nicole Hanna
    January 10
    Edit | Reply
    WAY too repetitious, especially in the first stanza. Repetition can add impact when done correctly, but here, it just sounds like you couldn't think of anything else to say. Lots of telling here. You aren't giving me the opportunity to see the story in my head by providing strong imagery. Thanks for entering, but not exactly what I'm looking for


  • TwilightDazzles
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was a great write about the first books. It does seem to jump around a bit. People who have read the books will be the only ones who will be able to understand this. I think emotions could have come through more here. Like choosing one of your favorite moments. Say the one where he saves her....developing more on her confusion and dumbfoundedness would have made this write spectacular. You could even make it an epic poem and delve into the emotions for each of the episodes you capture.

    I still like this because it captures most of my favorite moments in the first books. Thanks for entering and best wishes


  • albinoblacksheep720
    November 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Hm...

    You summarize the the two books: Twilight and New Moon, in one poem. Some of the stanzas are in the wrong order. 6 and 7 should swicth. I thought the poem was. The flow was nice. But, I didn't sense Bella's words, her emotions. Overall, I say good job. It was nice to read it. I enjoy it.


  • Missa
    November 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    its too long for my contest


  • sophia moonfairy
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is amazing I felt the love , the sadness and the lost in this poem this is beautiful great write you used theses lovely words amazingly good luck and thanks for entering

  • raymondsgirl8708
    September 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this puts into words what you can only understand if you've been there. great write and thank you for entering


  • Forgot2Breathe
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow
    this is amazing
    it is the perfect bella-edward thing
    amazing

    I love the twilight saga
    and you sumed it up wonderfully


  • ShaddowsDarkened
    August 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    oh my god!!!

    it's bella's feelings for edward cullen! edward is my favourite twilight character...have you read breaking dawn?

    good luck in the contest,
    holly x

    TEAM EDWARD!


  • TChaplinette
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i could tell it was heartfelt, but it was kind of confusing.

    it seemed to jump around a bit.


    thanks for entering.
    and good luck.
    ♥taylor.


  • FlipperSwitch
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was good, but I think in some areas the wording is slightly confusing and throws off the easy flow you began with. Is this of two boys, a teacher, or other?


  • misticmoonlite gold member
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    what love meant to you and apparently not to the other, nice but so sad love has to hurt you this way,thank you for this entry
    good luck
    Lin


  • imagine732
    June 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    WOW....

    well, amazing doesnt really even begin to explain this poem......it puts like everything about the books into one amazing poem...WOW!!!....

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    June 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your well expressed entry, good luck in my contest, Josie


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    May 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ah...this is indeed a touching piece..with so much depth and with so much heartfelt sentiments..well done...


  • Zenda-Lokki silver member
    May 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellant, good luck in all the contests lol


  • ForeverLastingComa
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, very expressive i especially loved these lines

    "I lied for you,
    I kept your dirty little secret.
    But I want to know the truth,
    I want to be with you."

    Nice Write..Thanks for Entering and Good Luck =)


  • second-born
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    such a lovely ending...indeed love has a way to bring us happy memories despite the pains....thank you for sharing this piece!


  • scream.n2.nite
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hummm...

    Well this piece certainly had my attention at the beginning, but right in the middle of the third stanza I got all confused... "YOU" and "him" are two different characters right?? So is it a love triangle or what? The narrator is in love with someone who uses her and then doesn't want to admit his feelings for her?? *feels dumb* lol...

    You had a few spelling errors which added to the confusion as well, but I seriously think if you edited this work up a bit then it will be in a nature of "perfect"!!

    Thank you for entering my contest!!

    - - riah - -


  • Angel Full Of Hurt
    February 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    i can feel the magical feeling

    in this write so fine i can feel magic =) thnx for entering.


  • Condemd RyeZing
    February 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very nice. Thanks for entering.


  • LoneFairrie
    January 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    W-O-W.This is just simply amazing


  • Zane Rose
    January 28, 2008

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    I like how you fit all the books into this. That was cool. This is a great poem. Good luck!
    ~VampireTears~


  • lemonhead
    January 27, 2008
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    wow great job! you summerize like the whole book! wonderful... good luck!


  • Sticks-And-Stones
    January 27, 2008

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    Great poem! I loved how it told the story in poem form. Great job! Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • forbidden-colour
    September 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering this!
    A well told tale about classroom loves ^_^

    X


  • Musical Renaissance
    July 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very good!!! I really liked it!! Described Bella's emotions perfectly throughout the books..... I can't wait until Eclipse, though!! 9 days!!!!

    ~*~Dawn~*~


  • Hated.
    July 27, 2007

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    o wow thats from a really good book!!!! twilight and new moon r my fav books!!! the next book eclipse comes out in august ^^ lol newayz good poem but wat picture does it go with?


  • Riftkin gold member
    July 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    nice but what picture is this for?

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