The moon’s risen sometime ago,
‘Fore my walk in the woods below.
I haven’t seen the sky so clear,
The stars and moon but a faint glow.
My dog comes along, without fear:
Though it’s cold, he shan’t disappear.
Boots leave behind holes in its wake,
Cold flakes to my coat they adhere.
My worn legs now begin to ache,
My loyal dog now longs for steak.
A bird lets out a mournful cheep,
Recognizing her sad mistake.
The coolness makes me long for sleep,
Straight to dreamland I’d like to leap.
But tomorrow I’ll only weep...
But tomorrow I’ll only weep.
Author notes
Inspired by:
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Reading this poem, I got a feeling of calmness, but also a somewhat frustrated feeling. "I want to rest, but I can't." I wrote a poem that has the person observing his surroundings at night when he should be sleeping (he has work the next day), and not wanting to sleep. Bascially, tonight he's just escaping...
I purposely imitated the rhyme and the syllable count of the poem, btw.
penciledlives
A contest entry
- The Random Rounds - Round 5 by Frodofan.
480 points, ended August 4, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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No Tomorrow by penciledlives
Title - 7
Style - 8
Form - 8
Spelling - 10
Captivating - 7
Originality - 8
Reaction - 8
Rules - 10
Makes sense - 7
Enjoyable - 7
Total- 80
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No Tomorrow by penciledlives
Title - 8
Style - 8
Form - 8
Spelling - 10
Captivating - 7
Originality - 8
Reaction - 7
Rules - 10
Makes sense - 8
Enjoyable - 7
total- 81 -
Sorry. Made a mistake about the C's. Your score is 97
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Title - 5
Style - 8
Form - 8
Spelling - 10
Captivating - 10
Originality - 10
Reaction - 8
Rules - 0 (cold and coat)
Makes sense - 10
Enjoyable - 8
Response Bonus - Yes - 5
Rhyme Scheme Bonus - Yes - 5
Meter Bonus - No - 0
Total: 87 -
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Wow. I didn't expect to get this high.
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Good job. I'm impressed with the quality of all the entries this round.
I really like that you kept the same repetition. It really does add so much to the emotion of Frost's poem, as to yours. Well done on keeping it similiar. A very interesting read.
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