Ignoring the power
of the sun,
man invents his own system
and drapes
a network of power lines
across the land
to light his home by night,
to cool and ventilate it
in the mid-day heat.
When will he ever learn?
A contest entry
- Picture Inspiration Running 5 Days Only! by DancingShadowCorpse.
300 points, ended July 29, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I agree with narcissist about the ending...
The poem started with a strong vital beat and then in an instant.. it flatlined. I am sure you could come up with a better ending to this piece that would really bring this poem out with a punch. I do agree with the message behind the piece, this poem is thought provoking and true. Thanks for entering. -
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XxElectricRavenxX
Could the fact that it fell flat at the end perhaps be due to a power failure?
Shenton
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you had pretty much the same idea I did when I looked at the picture. i took in the power lines first, thought something about how man has to touch everything. i might have gone a different way. i enjoyed this, but i think the ending may have fallen a little flat? i don't know. it's still a very true and wonderful piece.
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narcissist
Could the fact that it fell flat at the end perhaps be due to a power failure?
Shenton -
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perhaps
it would fit.
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Dangit, pushed enter! Anyway, I wish you all the best in this contest and thank you for the thought provoking read.
Best wishes,
Bella
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I think not. Sad but, true. Humanity is its own worst enemy. The quest for the biggest and the best is ongoing and as with many other things, one cannot truly appreciate something without first knowing its absence and in this case, well, it will be far too late. This is a wonderfully provocative short piece.
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