Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

my favorate sun

its late, i stare out my window, the sound of cars rushing, the smell of rain
the doorbell ringing in my ear, i answer to find your smiling face
you grab my hand and we run together, we never stop, we never look back
it seems as if i could do this forever

we lay in the grass, just like in all the stories
i was so happy
as finally, we watched the sun moving to its end, falling, dimming, growing paler
we lay like this forever

the stars start to twinkle and you grab my hand
we run back to shelter as the rain starts to pour
the trafic is heavy, with home pursuers
we cross the busy street, i run ahead and you lag behind, then, a deafening scream

with shock, i turn and see you there, lying cold on the ground
i grab your hand and beg and plead, but it was never enough
all i could do is watch, as the sirens grew louder
i watched as you moved towards your end, falling, dimming, growing paler with every second

deos this sound familiar
everything ends and everything grows
as i visited you grave one day, just as the sun was fading
i said to myself, even though, all this had happend, that is always my favorate sun

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • DancingShadowCorpse
    July 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    some words that were spelled incorrectly, drastically through off the poem. Other wise, this would be a beautiful and sad write. I enjoyed reading it for the most part, but if you want to place in this contest.. I suggest you use a dictionary or spell check this poem.


  • Natelystious
    July 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Do a spell check and that should fix your little typos and make the poem a very nice read.