Candy coated stars, falling from the skies,
Pray past faults be hidden from others eyes.
Hoping to catch it and stow it away,
To use it again on a miserable day--
Wish for the sun to forget it's goodbyes.
Laced in webs of not forgotten lies
Still yet the stars have not granted disguise
Don't leave my mind in a state of gray--
Candy coated stars...
For only forgiveness, to be wanted, is wise
Not longing for gifts or enemies demise
Lifting guilt off shoulders carrying disarray
Would cause the weight of problems to allay
A thank you in this request I comprise--
Candy coated stars...
Author notes
Rondeau
A Rondeau is a French form, 15 lines long, consisting of three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a
sestet with a rhyme scheme as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR. Lines 9 and 15 are short - a
refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the
same metrical length).
Title/Prompt: Candy coated stars
I love the title, it inspired me like most cannot do, and I thank you for it.
A contest entry
- ♥ ~* Title....reserve a spot*~ ♥ by MoonlightBeam.
600 points, ended August 15, 2007, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Make a Wish" Contest for kids age 14 and under! by Starz of Heaven.
550 points, ended July 26, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER by serenity silvermoon.
569 points, ended February 8, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This is really good and you truly deserved the trophies. I've never heard of this form... but hey. Haha. Good write.
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this is wonderful, i have so much trouble with form, and you make it look so easy! thanks for sharing this wonderful piece!
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Your writting is awesome
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Wow I have never seen a form like this, but it is really breathtaking. You did and excellent job and the rhyme was amazing. Thanks for entering
Carrie
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Rondeu-that's something I've never heard of. Thank you for introducing me to a new form of poetry. This poem has nice figurative speech and rhymes. It's really a wonderful poem and there's nothing I can point out that hasn't already been commented on.
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A very unique and refreshing piece of form. Well composed, with bursts of imagery weaving to the title. Thank you for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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Oh I love this. It is amazing. My favorite lines are:
For only forgiveness, to be wanted, is wise
Not longing for gifts or enemies demise
Lifting guilt off shoulders carrying disarray
Would cause the weight of problems to allay
A thank you in this request I comprise--
Candy coated stars...
Thank you for your entry good luck
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I like your title......
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well you certainly must be talented to successfully create a Rondeau that makes sense...honestly never heard of this kind of format..but with all the rules it seems like I'd be at a complete loss! Congrats for knowing how to abide by rules while creating amazing art...loved it!
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love it!!!! The title drew me in! Love that line, Candy Coated Stars..... soft and gentle! And even gave me an idea.....LOL Best of luck to you in this contest!!
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Excellent form. The imagery and underlying tone in this poem touched something deep with in, making me want to catch my own candy star.
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your title is: Candy coated stars
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