These business Calls
the separate rights.
These wrongs.
The straight up Sex
the hold me tights
and then I'll split.
This grown up shit,
or lonely nights.
take your pick.
The ledgers out of whack,
the car won't start,
I thought I had a five,
the cheap cigarette,
the stinking sweat,
and don't forget your socks.
Yeh,
the fading bloom,
the torn up room.
this grown up shit
and splits.
This hang me up
and tie me down.
This ache within
the anger at the sight of him.
this room
that unused broom.
this grown up shit
this hurt.
Author notes
Written August 29th, 2003
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1 - 19 of 19
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Creative... I love the way you seperate words into little lines. It's very well written, and I very much enjoyed.
Pen on!
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Damn grown up shit. Who needs it anyways. I want to stay a kid forever.Nevermind the wrinkles around the eyes Very emotional writing and I quite enjoyed it.
-Billy the Kid- -
Great write, very introspective. Loved the emotion and the reality of this. The form was good and the flow was excellent. great work! Keep your pen forever flowing! Bunny
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Sounds like a reality check to me. Things didn't go as planned. Sounds like one of my kids whinning that life is not fair. Great write.
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so sad but so tru so so so true1 i understand this poem completly
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Katherine Hepburn coulda said that in a movie, just reads that way.
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Life in a Darkk world.
Grown up. Not shit.
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i thought it was good. keep up the great work. i really liked it. no one said life is easy young or old. and if they did they lied. People that cheat are so low, and i don't think they realize how much it hurts people. Keep it up. can't wait to read more.
Amber
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Resentment of being an adult maybe? I could relate at more vulnerable moments. But more than anything, this poem screams to me of expectations not met and all the frustration that ensues. I suppose it sucks to find yourself in a situation where unhappieness prevails. Ick.
But I dig this poem. Bravo Bravo Bravo... -
This poem definatly has plenty of emotion, good though
Brooke
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This is an awesome rant/write! Have you thought of turning this into lyrics? It would be a cool song. Keep writing
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peter pan here...
grown up shit. fuck it i say. took me to long to get here.
this is good. really good. really really really good. i hate it though. do you hate it? my heart is finally spilling and riding the waves...i'm looking for the elusive tube and willing to crash a few more times in order to find it. it's me cville, the awakened, hopeless fucking romantic...sure you can add stupid if you want..i can take it. -
excellent
sounds like married, cheating,
-------------
These business Calls
the separate rights.
These wrongs.
The straight up Sex
the hold me tights
and then I'll split
--------------
broke and broken
-------------
The ledgers out of whack,
the car won't start,
I thought I had a five,
-------------
the leaving
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the cheap cigarette,
the stinking sweat,
and don't forget your socks.
Yeh,
the fading bloom,
the torn up room.
----------------
the regret
----------------
This hang me up
and tie me down.
This ache within
the anger at the sight of him.
this room
that unused broom.
----------------
what is left after all is said and done. when the dust has settled on the untread floor. while the silence hangs like a noose around your throat. now that there is nothing more than what existed before. nothing but an empty hurt and dust settling on an aching heart.
-----------------
this grown up shit
this hurt.
----------------
when all that is left is the hurt.
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This poem speaks to me of deeper underlying realities: in other words, we get to the point when we realize that it's all a dream...a painful dream that won't fade away: are we trapped? Incredibly moving. Thanks, Maria
Edited on Sep 01, 2:21 p.m. because ''. -
I get sick too..... I felt every word.... great job.
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I agree, symitar's critique was very apt. Your work of late has been introspective...really delving into the core of things. It makes for unique absorbing captivating poetry.
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Can't say it better than becky. Good stuff!
Maureen 
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Powerful. I am a bit stunned by the impact this has, grown up shit and all the crap that goes with it, business calls, ledgers, money money and more money, laundry, and it goes further, kids, babysitters, all nighters with the boys, tears, unspoken fears, insecurities from long ago, its all more than we bargained for sometimes. You are getting alot of airing done, it seems, your recent writing has a type of cathartic tone to it in a sense, anger, but also a modicum of understanding sometimes too. I find you to be quite fascinating, I will be following your journey!
~ becky
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Well, everyone says, it's hard growing up...Did they SAY being a grownup is easy? Noooooooooooooo. However, this goes beyond just that. Love gone sour type thing. Hmmmmmmmmm...very unlike your other stuff. By the way ...clean your room!
Val
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