Liquorice clouds hung
over the man with piercing eyes
who was about to empty out....
A contest entry
- 20 lines or less by forgotten dream.
425 points, ended July 21, 2007, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Thought-provoking
Liquorice clouds! What an evocative image. I like the way it's not immediately clear what this poem's about - a bit of mystery's always good. It has three very strong images in three lines, which is an amazing achievement. Thought-provoking. Very good.
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abstract but yet thoughts filter through the read...impressions, quite strong of one losing
control or on the verge of dramatic change.
Chaotic seems to fit the atmosphere here well.
Nice job...wonderful word choices. Blue
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i really like this because it's so intriguing to me. i like the abstract feeling i get - like i don't know what's really going on. but there is this wonderful three line description of this man. excellent opening line, and i love the image of piercing eyes (i like how you leave it open for the reader to decide if they are piercing because of color, the way they look, etc). my only suggestion is i don't know if the ellipsis at the end of the piece is necessary or not. but overall this is a very strong, excellent write. i enjoyed it a lot. keep up the wonderful work, thank you for entering and best of luck in the contest <3
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As you said you don't really know what's going on in my poem I thought I'd tell you. It's about Jesus Christ before he was crucified. Thanks again for the silver!
Georgia
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