You are the words I speak
the thought in my mind
You are the world I grieve
while its' falling behind
You are the hope I hold
in the dark of the night
The strength I feel
when I thought I would die
In every memory I can recall
Never was there a life so small
untill you came and you
changed it all
You are the dreams I see
the kind of life I lead
near to your altars
close to your feet
A contest entry
- I Love You... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
400 points, ended August 2, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
You are the dreams I see
the kind of life I lead
near to your altars
close to your feet
What a beautiful prayer is here to depict the true love..well done..you expressed it in true words ..I love it..thanks for sharing
such a beautiful entry in my contest...
-
Sort of has a songlike cadence-I like that for the short quick lines you've written. You've made faith the guide of your existence here. Nicely done! Just a couple typos, but not so much that they impact the power in the images and words. Line 4: "it's", line 11: 'until', needs only one 'l',and lastly, may I suggest that you could change lines 9,10,11 to read as so: 'every memory I recall/never was a life so small/ until you came and changed it all'...just a suggestion, since there may be a rhythm you are placing there that I am not feeling, if indeed this IS a song...Good strong write overall, and I do like it... alot(otherwise I wouldn't care enough to suggest fixes...lol)Good luck with this contest. Peace, Rhonda
-
ahhhhhh....this is so good i love it so much it is so so very sweeeet.!!!! such a great poem.....i love it!!!!!!!! such a great write~!
~~in love in death
~~~
-
-
O! wow....
lol wow, thank you! :-)
-
Adding your comment:
