The active space between the verbs
is black.
Did Lawrence know the pretty young girl
from the pennycandystore
went home and stole her daddy's
razor blades?
O' Daddy Dear, I got your beer,
I'm going to my room!'
Said the note on the cooler door.
Fade to black
The space between the words,
the active space
The bruises fade to black.
Momma at the bottom of the stairs
And the tablets all fell out
on the carpet by the open door
though it was freezing out
and the smoke from the factories
turns all the motions back.
Fade to black
the space between the words
all her happy notions
written in a song.
Posters of the ponies
and colored Unicorns
Pooh upon the bed,
diary on the floor.
In it Lisa Says,
'I'm Gone'.
Fade to Black.
Author notes
Written August 29th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Interesting
there's something rather bizarre going on here. We don't know exactly what is or exactly where Lisa has gone. It's like an unfinished movie. -
how do you know whats in a young girls heart
what do you know about abuse and pain to a child maybe you should read a few of mine though I do not do so many any more.I think you are to educated to know about these things.It is not entertainment to most it is expression and getting past. -
sorry
It's a good poem but you didn't follow the rules. I was serious when I said I would disqualify people for not following my rules. Sorry. ~Lilly~ -
nice
i loved this part the most
"Posters of the ponies
and colored Unicorns
Pooh upon the bed,
diary on the floor. "
keep on writing -
This was posted in 2003. Why is it at the top of your author's page. Oh .. such mysteries, such mysteries. You've likely done one of those weird uber member acts like put one of your collections on your page.
It is good .. many good Lute's I've not read ... this is no longer one.
The black imagery, though it could have been too dramatic, isn't .. it really works here. Sad sad sad.
I have to admit, though, reading it aloud, Pooh does sound funny. -
brrr its so cold and harsh and with the little comforty things too nice contrasts clever i thought of the other poo type too at first i think it was all the capital letters threw me off for a while and then of course there is my slightly disturbed mind....
Edited on Aug 20, 9:56 because ''. -
Wow there. Very intense. I truly loved this poem for the despair and desolation in it was so real. Write on. ~~SpydurPoet~~
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wow this is an amazing piece
i like the detail of your description-just enough info for clarity but not too much to appear wordy-this is sad and moving
nice piece
ash -
Lute, while this is the best poem by far in the contest, it doesn't really fit what the contest is about...
It's probably one of my fav poems on this site... -
I love the fade to black transitions. I don't think this fits the contest very well, more aimed at stopping the causes of the problems than the problems themselves. this girl had a situation that actually merited depression, not just blowing childhood woes out of preportion *shrugs*
This is a touching peice though. -
Mondo Madness
Woo woo! This rocks and the drums are still ringing in my ears.
You've nailed this subject to the door and it isn't even squirming anymore, just dripping onto the carpet in a big pool of sad liquid reality.
I'm blown away by the structure, the phrasing and the words - this is IT (yah, the big IT). Most mondo, cool and yet, softly poignant in a blurry fading vision sort of way.
Best of luck (as if) you sly Poet you. -
Very sad Lute......Ch
ildhood's can be most horrifying.. ....
Many are unable to overcome the tormentuous memories....and then there are some that can learn from them and put them into use within their adult lives.....I Faded To Black for many years and one day I decided to See The Sun......I did not enjoy my own experiences as a child......b ut I do believe that had I not had them......I would not be the person I am today....
Wonderful write......great emotive expression.. ......thanks for comment on ~into thin air~......Li sa -
wow
so powerful
i love the way you've twined the bit about the space between the lines into the background of the poem and then followed it up with why the space is blank, and what Lisa Sais
this was a wonderfully sobering write -
(After visiting the poet's homepage I discovered that this is actually a poem about another poem, and I'm trying to unravel some of the intertextual subtleties going on here ... My God, Harold Bloom would love it ... it really does grow on repeated readings ... makes me think what a shame it is that we all tend to post our *immediate* and unmediated reactions ... as a musicologist I wouldn't dream of writing a judgement on a work after one hearing, and here I am, dropping in first-blush judgements, as of course we all do, but humble apologies anyway).
By the way, in Milne it's Pooh, not Poo. Not pedantry: it's just that on first reading, before I read the Lawrence poem, I thought of, er, excrement ....
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sad. very sad. ~~~Val
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Every dark corner holds ghosts withering in the blackness wishing they had not jumped so far. Flames should always burn.
A very sad piece, yes I have a few of these not posted.
Jules. -
All the stars that glimmer in the sky can't make the words flow again...those that are lost to us live to dance in the mirror of our memory.
A wonderful piece, dripping in poetic sadness, a well worded tale and a message so eloquently expressed. -
Miserable shit existence, an unusal piece, not sure if i enjoyed it, perhaps the wrong word..
I'll come and read it again when i'm in a different frame of mind.
Barb
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you just described my childhood....
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