Oh there once was a Spartan whose friends all called him Sultan,
and he lived on a desert in the hot dry sun.
He ate raw nuts and honey, while he tried to make money,
but he didn’t sing or dance or have one bit of fun.
Yet this sad hollow Sultan, he so longed for a woman,
that a jinn came along from a world far away.
Her name was Nanaea, and she said “babe, I see ya …
and I brought some poems and music, just to cheer up your day”
This jinn was such a beauty that Sultan shook his little booty,
while she read her poems and played her magic music for him.
She made his heart so dance that he fell into a trance,
and he felt very happy as he smiled a big grin.
But one day the jinn said, “Hey … I’ve got to go today.”
So he got down on his knees, and begged her with, “Oh please …
if you leave me here alone, I’ll dry up just like a bone.
So stay with me forever and never ever leave.”
But she left him like she came, yet this Sultan’s not the same,
because he isn’t sad or lonely and he dances every day.
Nanaea is still here, to whisper in his ear
if he starts to wander off or to go the wrong way.
She stays out of his sight, but checks him every night
to be sure that he is doing what she taught him to do.
While he writes his poems and sings … and to his wife he clings
he thinks of Nanaea and how she made him anew.
Nanaea the good jinn, always does her work within
every soul who truly longs with all their heart to be free.
If you have fear and heartache, and you’re ready to awake,
Nanaea heals poor souls … just like you … and like me!
Author notes
For the ancient Semites, jinn were spirits of vanished ancient peoples who acted during the night and disappeared with the first light of dawn; they could make themselves invisible or change shape into animals at will; these spirits were commonly believed to be responsible for the manias of some lunatics. Types of jinn include the ghul (night shade, which can change shape), the sila (which cannot change shape) and the ifrit.
The Arabs believed that the jinn were spirits of fire, although sometimes they associated them with succubi, spirits in the forms of beautiful women, who visited men by night to copulate with them until they were exhausted, drawing energy from this encounter
My AP name is Sultan.
A contest entry
- She's Only Happy In The Sun (( Cheer Me Up)) by HereComesTheSun.
450 points, ended September 22, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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what an awsome poem from a fable and ideas and im sure it has personal ideas to it to great poem and a finalist good luck
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A delightful foray into myth, metaphor, and story-telling. Rhythm and rhyme both add to the inherent tone of lightness and humor. Well done and enjoyable to read.
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Oh. This is a fun little poem that you have written.
I like little story poems so it didn't take me long to get into it. Made me think of Arabian nights thought it's a different kind of thing. And you did a good job of making me feel bad for the lonely guy in the beginning.
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unusual!
I really liked this and think it's a great theme! Am I right in thinking that "jinn" has become "genie"? I felt it could be tidied a bit. eg look at the metre and no of syllables in each line, some could be "neater" and thereby make the rhyming much clearer
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So wishing that Nanae is true to heal the souls of every human kind who feel burden and need comfort. Well done. Good story in a pooem. A lyrical one.
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So im guessing from that last stanza that you heal poor souls.
"Nanaea heals poor souls … just like you … and like me!"
Good name for a good cause. Good write and good luck.
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Tell me more about the other jinns, the ifrit, and the
sila...this is great.
I had heard that Arab belief was that these 'spirits' were malevolent. I wan't sure...anyway, must go, always,
Jin..lol
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this is really good i love poems that incorporate different myhtologies and Spartan? me likey....Spartan men....that in itself is just a good thought lol nayways this poem was really cool and really different...i liked it a lot...good luck and thanks for entering the contest
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a poem which sings as if told around a fire to wide eyes and eager ears hanging on the next thought, very enjoyable reading here...PK
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Your poems are so deep, I'm glad to have found you on here, This poem makes me think of an old saying, 'better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all' and i think that those lucky enough to have found true love, if they loose it, need to hold on to that feeling, love is such a powerful thing.. I've experinced a great deal of loss in my life, but ture love is never really gone, If you can hold on to it, and the meaning of it, it really can guide you, if for nothing else, hope of reuniteing at some point in the future, I love your writeing, so much meaning, you're one of my favorite poets
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The rhythm is a tad stilted but mastery of this form is no little feat and you've done it well. This light and airy message was a delight to read. Besides, who could find fault with a dream like this one?
Sincerely,
Leo Long
ps. Thanks for reading and commenting on my work. I do appreciate it very much. -
This is a very good write. Learn about other places and people is so cool. Best luck in the contest. I thought you did excellent with this write.
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Beautiful. I love the message this writing conveys. I can tell that to you she was an inspiration. It is wonderful that she helped the sultan find his happiness. Good luck in the contest. Well done.
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This jinn was a blessing for thee, I can see.
She show you that there was a reason for you to go on. Now with your family, the fact that she still visits, is more magic than not. Good luck, in the contest and staying on track for your jinn.
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This is such a lovely poem and the author notes are magnificent! This is one version of spirit visitation I had not learned of. Very nice write...great flow and the subject was so fitting the contest! Thank you for your entry and very best of luck to you!!!
Blessings,
Azlyn
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MUCH BETTER!! I sigh in relief, very well done! Now, I can say, this poem is AWESOME and FANTASTIC!
I am glad to see that some AP members take critiques with gentle heart and use them to help them.
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This is great! Text driven and wonderfully done! However, here is a tip... avoid useing so many 'and' s like you did in the first stanza. It becomes annoying to the reader. Other than that.. this is FANTASTIC!
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Too Many Ands
Thanks ElectricRaven. I agree with you. How am I doing now?
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I liked how you used history to make a fun story with this. And it was very well written. You used great imagery and again had a great story behind it. Great job.
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