When words from your heart
penetrate my minds flesh,
the sweet scent of life
fills the world we enmesh.
Your lips' seeds now sown
through my soul’s steely mesh,
with air, rain and light,
yields fruit to refresh.
In winds of deceit
born of lust, pride and fear,
when all was but lost
to the boy of leap year,
kind whispers of light
promised safety was near.
An eye in the storm
brought a restful pure tear.
The day now over,
the good battle is won.
We talk through the night.
In our peace we poke fun.
Demons and devils
free our hearts as they run.
In freedom of light,
spread your wings oh dear one.
Fly us to heaven,
before morning will come.
Bring forth the good child,
for whom this was done.
Amid our despair,
a new life has begun.
Three little creatures,
all good friends of the Son.
Author notes
The "boy of leap year" in the 2nd stanza is just a real guy born on Feb 29th ... nothing else intended.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
A beautifully written piece of poetry. I would personally perfer.."God" to "G-d" but I enjoyed it still. Thank you for entering.
Sam
-
-
Thanks for the read ...
... and the comment. I decided to change 'G-d'; which is a convention I use for observing the 3rd commandment. I just edited the line a bit. Thanks again.
-
-
This is definitely not what I believed it would be given the title. I am not a religious person, but I did enjoy the imagery and emotion put into this piece. I feel you did a wonderful job writing it.
-
This is both elaborate and simple. I especially like the serene feeling that the last stanza instilled in me. This has a vestige of mystery to it that plays with my mind in a way I appreciate. As always, your writing techniques are flawless. Well done.
-
i liked reading this the flow of the poem is really good, and i like the structure and how it rhymes
keep on writing! -
A WONDERFUL POEM
its very good i like your use of words , it has great imagery and your words paint a broad picture of a days events thank you for sharing -
I absolutely love the imagery, flow and use of vocabulary in the second verse. Wonderful! The only awkward point I would draw your attention to is that 'mesh' and 'enmesh' in the first verse are too closely linked to be comfortable. It sounds like you are repeating an end rhyme. Well done for using different end rhymes everywhere else though and what a fantastic flow this piece has!
-
FransB
I have this feeling that we all at one time or another are faced by the 'three little cratures' and their effect on us ['words', 'deceit' and 'battle']. There is also hope in your poem: "bring forth the good child" and "a new life has begun". Perhaps I'm wrong, but the real wining lies with the "Son". -
-
The three little creatures ...
I meant: my wife, the baby girl she was carrying (born 2 months later), and me. You are right about the 'Son'. This was the first poem I ever wrote in my life. It was my 'awakening' after over 30 years of rational survival. Something just happened one day ... I laid down my kalashnekov and started writing. It was the most irrational thing; but it changed our lives in the most wonderful way. I found my 'voice' ... something that was there all along, but something I never embraced. Survival has a way of 'squishing' our hearts ... I think. Thanks for your comment. -
-
sultan
I am a bit emotional this morning - the realisation - once again - the wonders of being allowed to have a wife and child[ren]. You have discovered the heart of the inner self. Blessings.
-
-
-
The rhyme and flow on this were excellent. Thank you for the fine entry.
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
