California
Come hither to my valley
her vulva called
Plant your seeds within
Seek the essences becried of suns
buried in my muds
My moist lips guarantee
deep rich depths
of enviables dreamt by gods
thronged on endless mounts
by pearled crowns
۸
e r
w i
o n
t g
above my countless buds
A contest entry
- Honesty Is Gold Dust by star wars fanatic.
450 points, ended August 8, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Good luck!! by Repetitious Chaos.
1750 points, ended September 26, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - project un-cliche by hks.
800 points, ended October 3, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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A very unique piece you have here. Cali all the way.
I liked the structure, fit so nicely. I also liked the hints of sensuality. Thanks for entering and good luck. 
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ooo! Nice! good luck
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Hey, this is a really good poem, but it's not what I would describe as dirty pretty. Sorry
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lol this is cute, very uniquely done as well. I enjoyed this quite a bit. Thanks for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kahy
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Thank You 4 Entering our Contest Project -Un-Cliche
Hello there I am a judge for the above contest and I really must say straight off the bat I love what I read! excellent depth incredible structure and well nice wording makes this a very attractive unique entry. any ways I also love the over all way you wrote this poem and admire what you did. any ways excellent wriote & good luck in the contest
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That is amazingly sensual! Kind of reminds me of Greek mythology. Very nice. I love California too. Excellent use of metaphor and rich imagery. Thank you for your entry. I loved this part;
"Come hither to my valley
her vulva called
Plant your seeds within
Seek the essences becried of suns "
Best wishes to you in the contest!
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That's quite an interesting picture you pulled inspiration from, but I like the poem you have written actually there's good use of poetic devices in there, and the last line is very beautiful
thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the best of luck
Leander -
Loved the end line
Bit awkward with the flow or special effect with 'towering', seems like a good idea but the flow upsetted a little.
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oh yeah oh yeah cali all the way baby!!!
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I feel that you are referring to its relation to wine (of the gods) cleverly done ,
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nicely done.
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Nice Dual meaning, I like It.
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This poem definately becomes more powerful the more I read it. I really like the way you make California come to life. I prefer punctuation, and I think that it makes a piece flow better, but the imagery was good. Thank you for entereing and good luck to you.
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Beautiful.
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The only way to read this, my Dear Poet, is outloud.
I've spent more time reading and re-reading this piece
than any other poem I've judged so far.
And the more I read..the stronger it gets.
I pray my own work has that effect on my readers.
Well written!! I've truly enjoyed it.
~May the ink in your pen flow freely~
Chaos
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nice poem and
I like the
towering effect
at the end
for it worked great
Riftkin -
Wow! That was outstanding. a little risque but a fine poem
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rather interesting. a good write that is. but i would have liked you to have told me what option you choose. it is ok you still have a shot. good luck.
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great work! I really enjoyed reading this! I love the picture you chose it went so well with the piece...Ive never been to California myself I live on the east coast of the United States...well anyway great job!!! Thank you so much for entering! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!!
-Steve- -
I've read a lot of poetry about the negative site of California, so it's nice to finally read something new. It certainly is very original, and I like the imagery. Great job!
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Oh, I liked this a lot, especially since I love poems about hope in America and immigration, abolition, suffrage, that kind of thing. This was great and reminded me of something a billborad during the gold rush would say!
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