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Races

Oh, the rover
It passes right over
It won’t bark a sound
At the flowing by ground

Oh the river,
Froze child not a shiver
It won’t move doesn’t breathe
Shark walks stiff takes a knee.

Twilight’s the feeling
bright lights grip the ceiling
but the dark swings back down
and the kid’s on the ground.

Sigh deep
Translates the feeling to you
I don’t feel it do you
I don’t feel it do you
I don’t feel it do you?

Wired bunnies
And soft TV sets
Electric message
Waves make me forget

hay barely matters
When horses get fatter
The first one gets slow
and the rest they get close

scarlet sabers
and indigo sheathes
used to slice open papers
so in they go deep.

All ideas scattered
But when words are tattered
They seem more realistic
Cause clean’s not artistic

Sigh deep
Translates the feeling to you
I don’t feel it do you
I don’t feel it do you
I don’t feel it do you?

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Sinnastarr silver member
    November 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a good read. It flowed very well. You painted a very vivid picture with your words.
    Keep up the good work.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    November 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    VERY INTERESTING!

    This piece has a very nice flow, and conceptually speaking it was very good!

  • cirque du soleil
    October 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh the river,
    Froze child not a shiver
    It don’t move doesn’t breathe
    Shark walks stiff takes a knee.

    Twilight’s the feeling
    bright lights grip the ceiling
    but the dark swings back down
    and the kid’s on the ground.

    Sigh deep
    Translates the feeling to you
    I don’t feel it do you
    I don’t feel it do you
    I don’t feel it do you?


    i love these lines

    i like the repetion u used

    keep writing!


  • Touchof1der silver member
    October 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Creatively penned with much imagery. The flow is wonderful and the depth of this piece intriguing. Your words choice was impeccable to say the least. Thank you for sharing your words with me and best wishes to you. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use.
    ♥ Touchof1der


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    October 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Sigh deep
    Translates the feeling to you
    I don’t feel it do you
    I don’t feel it do you
    I don’t feel it do you?

    This is a great piece touching the scenario of the nature and its beauty...I love the immagery here ..Well what else can be the more beautiful than this verse when you talk about truth of life and its depth..I love this piece..you have worded this poem with so much wonder..I appreciate and I am at awe..well done..


  • Midnight Lace
    September 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You did a great job with the whole rhyming scheme here. That's not easy to achieve. Nicely done! Pen on poet!
    midnight lace


  • PedroBasiliali
    July 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    This poem is really good and was perfectly written , great job

1 - 7 of 7