Through the green light, imagination
followed the crooked
to the grave
The Garden of Eden
testament to godless realms
between the dream minds
where corpses dance,
forsaken in their transgressions
to dust with their names
Kindling spirits chant
in the wind
and we listen
Mirages leap through eyes
as we follow seraph songs
finding strength in the mirror
of eternity
and martyr-ism
[forgive us of our exile]
Courage led Us across the divide
the sea of knowledge [that split for us]
and our freedom from the perverse
Sipping communion, offered
in revolutions and life
between the murmur and the memory
All that is tangible bends before us
great trees in life's wind
and here we sleep
Pray for us now, and at the hour of our death
awaken our ego, green light, come,
Let us beat on ceaselessly
A contest entry
- SHOW YOUR CHARACTER CONTEST. Enter now!!! by ten thousand cicadas.
800 points, ended August 5, 2007, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Incredible! This is stock full of powerful images. I particularly think the infusion of so many Biblical illusions gave this piece a timeless depth and a spiritual turn that is unmatched. The image of crossing the Red Sea of perversity into the mind's freedom I thought was especially compelling.
I also loved how you described both the heavenly and the hellish visions. One image that totally creeped me out was "kindling spirits"--I could just picture them set aside and readied for a great fire. Very potent.
One thing perplexed me about your piece. Perhaps I misunderstood, but it seemed to me that the green light at the beginning of your piece and the green light at the end of your piece seemed to contradict for me, both in meaning as to what the green light is, and as to the speaker's relation to the green light. At the beginning he has passed through it, at the end he is praying that it come. At the beginning, it seems to indicate that he has gone his own reckless way, at the end it seems to suggest hope for an eternal goodness to come. I'd love it if you would clear that up for me and explain what your intent was.
I think your last line makes a powerful, imploring statement. I almost wish you had tied it back in with some of your spiritual imagery--perhaps something opposite of "dust with their names" or whatever you would come up with that unified it with the other allusions.
An excellent composition. Thank you for participating in the contest!
Adding your comment:
