Green duck walking swiftly down a golden alleyway
Plums, juicy and delicious in my mouth
Mist
Going down in flames
I whipped the devil with words made of guitar strings
Uneducated, uninformed, ignorant
Slash
Bam
I threw a rock at the camera man
Starlight, driven from me
Like shoes, they wear me, using me to their own advantage
Crisp night air in the sunlight of May
The flight attendent tripped and spilt her tray
and I must say, you completely misunderstood my words
That's my story, said Peter to Wendy
Handcuffed to his actions and consequences
A contest entry
- Let Loose the Hounds of Chaos! by Socialgremlin.
625 points, ended August 1, 2007, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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After analyzing your poem, here's my "chaos" results:
The Good:
End word pattern - You had one rhymed couplet randomly placed.
Noun choice - The poem went from a duck, to devil, to camera man, to flight attendant. If anyone else can find a pattern there, let me know.
Last Line - "Handcuffed" really came out of left field and made me smile at the randomness.
Line Length - No seeable pattern in number of words in each line
The Patterns:
Subject/Verb Sentences - Every four lines, you had a line that used the subject/verb format.
Margins - The entire poem is centered. Unfortunately, that counts as a pattern.
Cliches - I found 3 conventional cliched images. -
good
i love the way you have messed with the timeing here.
my fav little bit:
you completely misunderstood my words
That's my story, said Peter to Wendy
Handcuffed to his actions and consequences.
thanks great stuff
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Chaos-riffic
I loved all the random little bits of rhyme, alliteration and onamatopoeia! (I think I spelt that horribly wrong...) I think "Crip night air" Should be "CriSp night air", and "Thats my story" should have an apostrophe (sorry I'm picky). Despite the randomness, this still gets a kind of message across and has meaning, and it creates some brilliant images. Best of luck with the contest!
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Wow.......That is like, so completely random. I love it!!! you know, consistency is so overrated. It's the cracks and jagged edges of life that make it fun. Good write.
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