Choking on 13 pills
as they run down my throat
soft and
I'll never turn back time
grabbing me by the neck
pulsing forcing.
"go gentle into that good night"
Where everything is bleak
and sad.
Even sadder than life it's self.
because it's empty.
not a care in the world.
13 dazzling pills.
Pop and sizzle.
Place them on my tongue for them to fizz.
An ornament aphyxaisting me.
My very body.
My very being.
Coating my mind in a pain so raw.
A sickness so smothering.
I slept for two hours.
didn't move for two.
struck by fear.
paralyzed by hallucinations.
paranoia. paranoia.
spinning round and round in head.
sick.
spit.
gag.
my very own body raw raw.
rejected.
13 pills dazzzling in the puddle of gunge.
as you drip through my veins,
they ache.
6 more times.
twice, bite your lips has the bile rises.
green green green green.
And curse yourself when your body is working against you.
because you worked against it.
( but my brain worked against me ).
choking, spitting, heaving.
a pain, an ache.
time.vs.will.
just let me spin into the oblivion.
Author notes
4th july.
personal one really, it happened. don't really like the poem so much. thought i'd enter it anyway.
In a list
A contest entry
- oh, to just disappear... by CarCrashHumor.
1500 points, ended August 15, 2007, 48 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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the line 'pulsing forcing.' seems off to me for some reason, other than this i think the piece overall has great potential. fresh ideas, not the freshest imagery but still executed well.
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i think the piece is terrible.
and incredibly unstable.
but thank you never-the-less.
it makes me cringe when people comment on my old shit, i just think, how the hell did i ever write that.
<33
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-"go gentle into that good night"
reminded me of a rather famous poem that asks a person to rage into the night (favorite of a friend of mine).
liked it.
-Even sadder than life it's self.
incorrect use of apostrophe.
-because it's empty.
ditto.
-capitalization staggers. on purpose?
-twice, bite your lips has the bile rises.
as.
-green green green green.
dunno if the repetition works.
i know it's older; however, since you have no new writes (not commenting on the one entered in my contest yet), i chose to go back in time. i know you can do better than this. -
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yep it's from that poem, that's why i put it in ".
thank you for the corections and thanks. this piece tends to stagger everywhere, i'm not fond of it myself.
thanks for the honesty though! =]
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Choking on 13 pills
as they run down my throat
soft and
I'll never turn back time
grabbing me by the neck
pulsing forcing.
"go gentle into that good night"
Where everything is bleak
and sad.
Even sadder than life it's self.
because it's empty.
not a care in the world.
Damn baby. Those were my favorite lines.
Keep up the amazing work!
♥
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Place them on my tongue for them to fizz.
An ornament aphyxaisting me.
wow, what a great line
this is a heavy piece, really conveys the reality of it, the brain fighting for survival
beautiful hunny
xxxxxxx
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last lines.
WOW.
<33
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wow, I really like this a lot.
The imagery is really great.
This is really sad but it's wonderful. -
wow.
so sad. -
Ah- this is stunning.. the repition of thirteen pills reminded me of 10 green bottles, gave it a sing song nursery ryhyme type feeling..
This is a really sad piece, but i think it's one of your best, even if you don't like it. It hsa a great pace and originality..
Beautifully done.. I'm sure you'll do very well in the contest
n.x
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hehe nursery rhyme.
thank you very much.
<33
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WOW.... that was amazing....so dark & depressing..wonderful
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"I'll never turn back time
grabbing me by the neck
pulsing forcing.
"go gentle into that good night"
Where everything is bleak
and sad.
Even sadder than life it's self.
because it's empty.
not a care in the world."
&&
"time.vs.will.
just let me spin into the oblivion. "
deff my fav parts.
you are amazing!!!
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"Coating my mind in a pain so raw.
A sickness so smothering.
I slept for two hours.
didn't move for two.
struck by fear.
paralyzed by hallucinations.
paranoia. paranoia.
spinning round and round in head."
Thats amze sweety.
<3
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first of all, the title is perfect.
and I liked how you have numbers in this... it refreshes the poem and mixes in reality with our thoughts.
"Choking on 13 pills
as they run down my throat
soft and
I'll never turn back time"
lightning intro.
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