Still Bali holds fast to my forest of dreams.
Becalmed in still waters that dance in sunbeams.
Adoring this craft, caressing her seams,
I’m here forever … in spite of life’s themes.
Gems on the inside, diamonds that sing,
an old washboard soul is remembering,
a part of this heart, a real living thing,
of dolphins, lions and wings still fading.
Amen to your ‘truth’, an omen of light.
To see with your heart … a sparrow … a kite.
Who needs a third eye in darkness of night?
For a tic of time, just follow delight.
Come away with me, in a boat of clay.
Her sails billow out in such a display.
Her tiller is stiff; her lines rule dismay.
To Bali and on … forever today!
The arms of her mast, stretched out overhead,
sway with the waters we tenderly tread.
Her cockpit is full of thick cream and bread.
With grapes and incense, her table is spread.
The lips of her bow gently kiss in waves.
The beam of her back, oiled to heal and save,
happy in the sun … the day she forgave,
admiring words from a world away.
Walks in the moonlight … nights in a tin shack,
the rain on the roof … the years to unpack,
the names just we know for Bali and back,
shall live forever … unless we change tack.
Moonlight in Bali pumps blood in cold veins.
Affections come through the wall of life’s pains,
begotten regrets of years lost in chains,
rekindled powers to turn back their stains.
Light and devotion to fate and free will,
breathe deep in and out in souls that stand still.
Praying in Temple or on a crossed hill,
creatures of Bali see spirits fulfilled!
Yes, Bali holds fast to my forest of dreams.
Becalmed in her waters … that dance in sunbeams.
A contest entry
- EROTIC POEMS " MEN ONLY " by esroddo.
900 points, ended July 21, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BATTLE OF THE GOLDS THREE by Swan song.
2000 points, ended October 5, 2008, 47 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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What a gorgeous poem this is! This is truly a poem to be proud of.
The only problem with this entry for the Foreign City contest was that Bali's an island, Denpasar would be the city to write about!
Anyway, this is my favorite piece of yours to date and hope you write many more such as this!
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Wow! Not much need be said about this. A very stunning and beautiufl poem Thank you for sharing
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This is a sensual sensation but unfortunatly went over my line requirments.
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Though I tend not to like rhyming poetry I found this poem delightful.
I wish I could read more poetry like this!
Great write! -
Liked the picture. I like the imagery. Good write.
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This poem is very well written.Your descriptive use of our language is such a wonderful thing to see.Thanks for sharing.
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This is erotic and sensual without a mention of a female in sight. I am starting to believe that men fall in love with exotic places, theirs vessels, their dreams, because women can become so predictable and conniving. It is an illusion that men are not romantic! They are merely seduced by far loftier ideals. The GOLD is well deserved! NOTE: I really wish those who felt a need to critique someones work for technical reasons, would do so via a message, privately! If the criticism is meant to be helpful, then it would be far more sensitive and seem less petty. If they genuinely dislike the work THEN the comment belongs in the public domain. Everyone IS entitled to their opinion after all. This is just mine...
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Thank you for your beautifully sensual and creative entry, Josephine
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this is was an excellent poem mind blowing great imagery
I like this part he best
Walks in the moonlight … nights in a tin shack,
The rain on the roof … the years to unpack,
The names just we know for Bali and back,
Shall live forever … unless we change tack.
This part seems awkward
The lips of her bow gently kiss in waves.
The beam of her back, oiled to heal and save,
Happy in the sun … the day she forgave,
Admiring words from a world away.
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That was quite an adventure! Great write.
Thanks for entering,
-Dlvvanzor -
DEFINITELY gold
Wow!! I am near speechless!! I pity those in the contest with you, there is no way this one could have been neat! This is rich and vivid and lush but at the same time it is so veiled and has a subtle gleam of mystery. Lovely!!
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Nicely done - taken me away, traveling within my mind. thanks for your entry
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I like it.
I liked this. Great imagery.
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This is a very good monorhyme with perfect end rhymes until stanza 6, "waves", "save", "away" That stanza impedes the flow because of the missed near-rhyme. At the start there's a varied syllable count of 9-11 syllables per line, that settles down to an even 10 syllables per line by stanza 3 that continues throughout. I think it would improve this piece somewhat if you evened out the syllable count to a rounded 10 for stanzas 1 & 2 also.
Imagery and description are well done here, classic even. Overall, an excellent poem. Well done on your gold trophy!
Thanks for sharing. La x
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bravo
A very fine narrative poem, shades of Kipling and others...well done throughout...I liked this poem muchly... bravo... bravo...
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You are clever! Speaking such sensual and erotic things in metaphor's. I was very taken by the flow of this write. So easily off my tongue. Your rhymes were so perfect...not forced. Was a total joy to read...and well deserving of GOLD! Once more...BEAUTIFUL!!!
Blessings,
Azlyn
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wow, wonderful and amazing write here my friend. it must be a sight of no other in the memories of a shiping love, towhich the waters be calm and well.
once again wonderful write.
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Oh wow,I really like this,very deep,portrays a great image,beautifully penned and has a great flow...God Bless To the people of Iraq...Hazel
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very expressive deep and poetic . your style is a new flavvor to my tongue i like new flavors you very much so impressed me. good luck in my sisters contest as i hope she judge very smart i really like this ~ encore ~ lady enthralling
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Outstanding write very interesting
You had me with my mouth open from the first stance. The more I read your write the more I was intrigued with your words. You told a tail of a ships love for the water in a soft and sensual way. But with such beauty and warmth. Thank you for this masterpiece of a write. Thank you for entering and good luck (LISA)
These two stances just blew me away;
"The arms of her mast, stretched out overhead,
Sway with the waters we tenderly tread.
Her cockpit is full, with thick cream and bread,
With grapes and incense; her table is spread.
The lips of her bow gently kiss in waves.
The beam of her back, oiled to heal and save,
Happy in the sun … the day she forgave,
Admiring words from a world away."
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