forsaken
promises
on the water
in the mist
quietly
I find
somewhere else
Far and alone
ocean floors
miles away
ancient wonders
in my grave
ashes to ashes
dust to dust
what will save me now
windowless
spider
on the table
reflections in my glass
wine of winter
and death
echoe
in my hand
time racing
further away
A contest entry
- [Damaged] by whiterabbit..
550 points, ended July 22, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Jerk's Contest: Discover it! by Avatar of Innocence.
585 points, ended March 16, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I liked the shape, however I couldn't take my sight away of the standards you used here, as well as some of the metaphors, and overall this part:
"ashes to ashes
dust to dust
what will save me now
windowless"
I guess you can do something better there. -
Okie...this poem was super-cliche'. Not only because you employed the "literary" device, but because it harkens to personal and unrequited love territory, or "woe is me" territory. If you like, you can submit another poem. You might get lucky.
By the way, you have a typo in "echoe". Is it singular or plural? Or were you trying to be cute? -
Wow
one word magic, if i could claim this as my own i would,
-
The descriptions are wonderful in this and I really like the feel it has. I like the structure that you used. Great job and thanks for entering.
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