stomachs grumbled;
I dissolved placebos
on my tongue,
washing down days
with but water
& fatigue.
I was the food:
letting my thoughts
feast upon me
like cannibals.
One meal at a time,
I evaporated
into sub-ego perceptions,
gorging
another diet pill;
swallowing hard water
to test survival
on self-pollution.
Author notes
picture-inspired
gah. does 50 words ever seem long to write now! lol
A contest entry
- Quickie ~ 10 x 50 x 30 ~ Reserve Your Spot Now! ~ by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended July 18, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Excellent choice of words. Very well written.
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It is hard to lose weight when we are in a world surrounded by food. I have been battling with my weight for 21 years.
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this is very succinct, you tell your story in a few words. Very well done.
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An interesting take on the prompt such brilliant metaphors
a poem should stand alone without explanation and this poem is just that...a well crafted writes. Congratulations on the HM....
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My word this is exceptionally good writing.
I was the food:
letting my thoughts
feast upon me
Those lines are pure gold. There is so much packed into the sublimely chosen words that it is almost illusory. I'm enthused completely. Well done indeed.
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i really loved this..
at first it seems so easy to read and simple, but the images and metaphores give it a much more deeper meaning and value..
i particularly loved the somewhat psychological nuances in it, if i may call it so..
"I dissolved placebos
on my tongue,"
"One meal at a time,
I evaporated
into sub-ego perceptions,"
~rana~
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PHENOMENAL! The whole beat and metaphor to this one is absolutely outstanding. How our thoughts can eat away at us, not only mentally but physically as well. This is one of your absolute best I believe. Awesome!
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lol, you know this is something i like this poem you kind of painted a picture that i think is of self-destruction in a way, keep it flowing and congrads in the contest
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I do believe I know where this stems from
It'll get better hunny I promise it will. Love you bunches! Thank you for entering and good luck!
Love
Mom
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Your prompt is: Embroidered Silk
Or
The picture on the main page
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