A very good thing taken far too far
whispering full moons, ripping at my scar;
clay feet deceptions fill this earthen jar
musing winsome songs of G-d’s fallen star.
Lay me in tall grass close to your river.
Untangle my soul, lost in a quiver.
Rain bursts in my flesh until I shiver.
Wet me down again, oh my dream giver.
Fruits of your torrent clasped in my left hand;
in time grow too heavy to understand.
Eternities pass over my dark sand.
Why isn’t mind’s Light a part of this land?
The external world gives way to my dreams
caught in your vortex of creaturely themes.
My heart tears my mind apart to extremes.
Wanting surrender, my impure soul screams!
The fruits in my hand are now full of worms.
They laugh with glee while my soul still affirms;
in time Tanha’s fire burns up its own germs.
But feed her again … she always returns.
Author notes
Tanha is a term from Buddhist teaching. In non-technical language, it means ‘thirst’ and can apply to a craving for anything … cruel or noble. The meaning of Tanha (craving, desire, want, thirst), extends beyond the desire for material objects or sense pleasures. It also includes the desire for life (or death, in the case of someone wishing to commit suicide), desire for fame (or infamy, its opposite), desire for sleep, desire for mental or emotional states (happiness, joy, rapture, love) if they are not present and would like them to be. If we experience, say depression or sorrow, we can desire its opposite. The meaning of Tanha is far-reaching and covers all desire, all wanting, all craving, irrespective of its intensity.
A contest entry
- G is for GODDESS/GOD.....DEITY guides to Z....OPTIONS by Blue Rew.
808 points, ended July 21, 2007, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Empress (Tarot) III, Fertility Goddess by Dark Otter.
600 points, ended September 10, 2008, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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great
this is fantastic. i love how you eluded classic ideas about adultery and used a buddhist term. great job
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For the sheer beauty of the poetry
you get a silver. I love the metaphysics, the structure and the word choice. For those things you get the silver.
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dear sultan,
I still remember your soulfully mystic poetry from a long time ago when we first crossed paths ... happy to meet again ...
this verse here goes beyond intellectual concepts or even "understanding" ... it is a direct transmission of the flame by a soul that has been put to test by life ...
without judgment or imposition of moral laws, you speak to us of desire and its effects ...
I am only vaguely familiar with buddhist philosophy/spirituality, but capture the essence of the lesson of wisdom you teach us here :
"in time Tanha’s fire burns up its own germs.
But feed her again … she always returns. "
in this one sentence, for me, all is said ...
we can either continue to satisfy each and every desire popping up in our minds, which leads to more craving, some short-lived straw-fire of pleasure, and then suffering again, because more of the desired "substance" (money, food, sex, material objects, etc.) is needed ...
yet, everlasting bliss or peace results not from the satisfaction of desire - but from the absence of desire ...
"in time Tanha’s fire burns up its own germs.
But feed her again … she always returns. "
we can't suppress desire though, but have to wait till it consumes itself ... so beautifully expressed here ...
a masterpiece and a truly unique response to the prompt here, since in some ways, the "nurturing" aspect of the mother, the divine feminine, may be seen as the satisfaction of our thirst or desires, but ultimately will lead to its extinction in a sincere seeker ...
all the best,
amazira will love this entry, I'm sure
maa
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interesting rhyming scheme first of all let me say. this type of ryhyming is hard to pull off and still convey a good poem, you v'e done a good job.
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This is a very good poem, I think different word choice could have smoothed out the rough beat. Packed with dark imagery, and nice rhyme scheme. A good solid entry and thank you for entering.
Depth: 8
Flow: 8
Literary Device: 9
Comprehension: 9
Total: 8.5 -
This is obviously a personal write but I think it may be interpreted in many different aways. This appears to me to speak of someone who has lost their faith or is struggling to maintain a balance between faith and a materialistic world, though I could be wrong. What ever the real meaning behind this poem, the images created by your words are vivid while the rhythm and rhyme have a beauty of their own which I find very pleasing.
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I thought the piece was very beautiful and spiritual in nature. Thanks for adding the description in the authors notes, I wouldn't have been able to guess what it meant otherwise. I like the way there are so many different beliefs inside the Buddhist faith. I believe although I'm not one, the messages and virtues the religion teach are valuable and many should listen to them to find a divine meaning. Nicely written.
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This contest is bring out a lot to think about.
things I would never have even known .I like it I think I am not sure. It is well written no doubt about that . the content is new to me you know my God all other things are scary. =). I think I will not go to hell if I read more=)
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intense is what this read is! brought to life your words upon this page. These struggles are
so vivid and can be related well to,
great job and best wishes
Tory
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Whispering full moons
How epic, how powerful. So very well written and such exquisite imagery. This takes me at once to both a dark place and a hopeful place in my soul. You've inspired so many emotions here and that takes true talent, which you have proved to possess countless times over with your work. Breath-taking!
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wow. very well written, thoughtful work
xxx
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While I was reading this, it seemed to me that you were looking to a higher power during a time when there was much suffering. My favorite stanza was:
Lay me in tall grass, close to your river.
Untangle my soul, lost in a quiver.
Rain bursts in my flesh, until I shiver;
Wet me down again, oh my dream giver.
It seemed to me in this stanza that you were in a batismal; the cleansing of the body. It was as if youi had lived an unholy life and you had just seen the light. Thanks for a great write
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That is so lyrical and well written.
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This is a beautiful write. This had a good flow and seemed to have a spiritual aspect to it. I liked the info you gave in your author notes. I find the Buddhist religion very interesting and like to read about it from time to time. Congrats on winning the silver. And, thanks for the comment on "A World Without God". I appreciate it.
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Outstanding
I absolutely LOVE this poem.
It's very good.
I could NEVER write something this good.
You have a gift.
:]
Keep on the wonderful writing, my friend.
<33
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great sound
This piece really has a great sound to it. There is something to be said for "traditional" poetry, and I think you brought out the best aspects of it. I really like the punctuation, that, along with the rhyme really created a wonderfully ascetically pleasing piece, which is also deeply meaningful.
Bravo!
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Well done
One can hear the anguish being exuded as the temporal battles the eternal. In all religions, adherents suffer worldly desire on the one hand and yet realize earthly gain is evanescent. Our "earthen jar" bodies are but a vapor, and we are all fallen stars in His sight. Some of your imagery is lost on me ("Lost in a quiver"???) but much of the poem transcends the boundaries between religions and speaks to the inherent nature of man and his lusts, needs and self realization. Well done, Sultan. This is the first of your works which I have read.
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I am unfamiliar with the Deity as mentioned in comments , however upon first read [before reading comments]I sort of thought of you writing of a life energy/force sort of thing [somethong or someone untouchable-but achievable]by mere belief that forces of the Universe are stronger than we are and all we need to do is reach out and grasp them......?
I enjoyed the "thinking path" of this [be I right or wrong in interpretation]
reenie
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Lot of depths and well rhymes well - rethink the 'river' and 'giver' of the 2nd stanza. I can see your battle, as "she always returns".
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