Sparks flew inside me when I first saw you, but we didn't speak.
By chance, I glanced across a crowded room one night and saw you,
I believe in love at first sight, that our love will be unique.
The sparks ignited into a fiery flame that is, in spite of everything not weak.
The blaze grew faster and faster as you worked your way through.
Sparks flew inside me when I first saw you, but we didn't speak.
Fires aren't easily quenched; I shouldn't be so meek.
Inching my way closer as well, I began to pursue,
I believe in love at first sight, that our love will be unique.
Cramped among the people, I admired your physique,
You gaze in my eyes and I in yours, our love was instant and true.
Sparks flew inside me when I first saw you, but we didn't speak.
How could two souls connect with such ease, in but a week?
Together, we are as high as one can conceivably accrue,
I believe in love at first sight, that our love is unique.
We are all that is love, natural as beauty's mystique,
For the love we share is eternal, it will imbue.
Sparks flew inside me when I first saw you, but we didn't speak.
I believe in love at first sight, that our love is unique.
Author notes
This was inspired by my hubby (blushing)
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Outstanding
I've written a couple of villanelles and I know how difficult they are - I liked the lines you chose for the repetition and thought they finished the poem on a light,romantic note. There is a good, creative use of imagery which added to the over all effect of the poem. I also liked how you developed the theme of sparks with images like "fiery flame" and blaze. This added more depth to the poem. Thank you for sharing.
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This is a nice little villanelle. You picked two interesting lines and carried them through nicely, finding different overtones of meaning in the lines each time.
One of the characteristics of villanelle is to write in iambic pentameter. There are no rules in poetry, so you're free to write your poems however you choose. However, the rhythm and line length of iambic pentameter lend themselves to thoughtful poetry. You might want to try using a set meter in one of your future works.
One other thought. Your diction is a little old fashioned and strained. Words like "imbue" and "accrue" stand out when they're obviously used to get the rhyme. Particularly imbue, which is a transitive verb (needs an object to imbue, doesn't stand on its own). The trick is to use the words you would generally use in conversation, but fit them with the rhyme scheme. It takes extra effort, but it's worth the trouble. -
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thank you for all your comments i love em
I agree with you on the words I use, sometimes I get stuck cause I know what I want to say but I can't make it rhyme you know...but what can I say i'm an old fashion kinda gal lol
Namaste.
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I expect this is some really important classical form – like a salmonella… but I don’t like the reiteration of lines – I think they have to be sooooo very good to justify it. As to the poem… it is what my brave friend would call a chicks’ poem… Unique love – just like all the rest – still there is a lot of call for the soft and fluffy!¡ I’ll come back and try the next one when I have done one of everybody’s on the list.
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lol
hmm that's an interesting form salmonella, maybe you can teach it to me sometime ok so i dont mind the critizism cause i'll admit it's a bit too mushy for my own personal taste, ok... so it was written for a poetry course, lol, i dont remember the form but i'm sure it was something similiar to salmonella lol if you know the style name, please, do tell 
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