The roses on the floor
you're falling with all the grace in the world
Somehow running and dancing
there's no longer any chance
I'm just standing here
watching your demise
It's spraying blood on canvas
Don't want to halt the masterpiece
All won't silence soon
Violins of death keep playing
Falling one by one
Another example of human dominoes
Yet another display
A contest entry
- 20 lines or less by forgotten dream.
425 points, ended July 21, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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i really enjoyed the second to last line, and the imagery it created for me. you have some good wording here that gets your feelings across in this piece. one suggestion i have is that i don't think the last line is needed. the one before it ends so powerfully, that i think it could be used and the last line discarded.
overall a solid write. thank you for entering and best of luck in the contest <3 -
Another great write, this makes me think of this book that I read recently called Undine about this girl who had this beautiful magic, but it was destructive as well, and it almost destroyed her.
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I love your work ambie bambie!!!P.S this is Arden
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