the quick beet of my heart
the touch of your skin on mine
the soft kisses
that kept me pulling you back to me
you left me to go back home
but i feel you still holding me
my mind has been stuck on you
from the moment of first sight
longing to be with you once again
i wait silently by the phone
to hear your voice telling me
that you are coming back
but i have no such luck
so i am all alone
to my never-ending thoughts
that hold me still to you
i am now stuck on you
A contest entry
- 20 lines or less by forgotten dream.
425 points, ended July 21, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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NIce 1, keeping writing and yes this we all go through......
Thanks for your comments
SJ -
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sad but true.... we all love and then give up on it.... love hurts
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a familiar feeling of when you fall for a person, and your mind/time is consumed with them. i think this is something we can all relate too.
in the first line 'beet' should be 'beat'. my suggestion to you would be to find a more descriptive way to say what you are saying to the reader. this reads a bit bland, by merely writing exactly how you feel rather than showing how you feel. try incorporating some literary devices and some more exciting language to give the piece a more refreshing feel. i think you have a good start here. keep it up. thanks for entering and best of luck in the contest <3
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