I think about
obstacles in my way
sharp, jagged edges
hands that grope for
feet exposed
but then,
I think about
rocks, laying on
ground not hidden
elemental monuments
of silence
they whisper in my ears
I was but dust
molded in likeness
and image of
God
Yes!
everywhere
and
beneath my
feet
I stand upon.
Author notes
I heard two sermons on rocks lately, and how they relate to God. Jesus is my rock; the foundation upon which I stand!
Please tell me what you think...about rocks :)
Comments
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I would rewrite the first stanza like / I think about/ Obstacles in my way/ Sharp jagged edges hands/ that group for feet exposed/ so that it keeps the meter. lines 3-5 of the third stanza break the meter as do lines 3-5 of the fourth stanza. The first two lines of the last stanza do as well. It seems to go in and out of meter which just stands out to me. Other than that I really enjoyed reading it.
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That's really interesting. I really liked the way thatou made the rocks sound almost human...
Are you a christian? I am!!! I hope you write more poems like this! -
This was in interesting piece. I can see you really dug deep for this write. It read very well.
Well done.
Keep up the good work -
I definately like the poem that you have here
Beautiful imagery, and most important the great metaphors that you've embedded along the lines...
great work!
Leander -
Interesting comparison with a great concept, very touching. I do have one suggetsion, though. The phrase "I thought" takes away from the poem a bit. Perhaps a different verb would better serve. Very nice, though, and I really like the form.
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I really like the poem about the rock.
mordechai from philmont -
this was a very descriptive and well writen poem about...I guess the two sermons you heard I suppose...kudos to your preacher for giving you inspiration...I liked how the lines went from the description of plain old rocks to you being created from the rocks and standing upon them...although I personally can't relate alot to this I definetly believe it is very well written...great write...take care
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