I thought for a split second that in between these coded text messages I could detect a hint of sympathy. Maybe I was hearing you on your knees preforming what you thought could've been an apology. (too bad you gave it to the wrong damn person.)
Dear Anxiety,
Meet my knuckles, because they're clinched white in your honor. I can't take the fact that you never felt any remorse when you were staring me in the eyes delivering the same lines you read last week.
I wanted to believe that I couldn't tell they were rehearsed.
I wanted to believe in you....
I hear coughing excuses telling me what I should say and how I should feel, but some how I still let you have your way because I might be crazy, but I think I love you. ((For all it's worth)) I do, even if you are only playing pretend.
Glazed over stares were the last thing I saw before my own eyes went black and the techni-color light show lost it's revolutionary effect. From God to Satan let's not forget why we we're put here. To Pro-create (If that is what you want to call it). But you make it much more complicated than that. You could drug me as much as you want but I still know you don't even care.
Somewhere Rain is falling, and the sun is rising, but you make me feel as If it all stopped.
What a joke.
Yet I don't hear you laughing.
Cruelty to animal's is against the law, but what about me? Am I not worthy of someone else's protection from your malicious attack on what could have been a heart? You feel the ice on my breath?
good.
Imaginary isolationist were the only factor holding me back. I was so close to just letting you go.
Let the repercussions rain.
My umbrella is holey and you like to mock my drenched wardrobe.
Love.
Overrated.
Outdated.
Who the fuck am I kidding?
Author notes
Brokenwindupdoll
Well the inspiration for this is just that I wanted to manipulate the words to give you a feeling. of despair? of Rage? of anything, as long as you felt something, I'm satisfied.
A contest entry
- Give me a [ 2 ] heartbeat catastrophe {watching you love her} by CatastrophicSmile.
500 points, ended January 31, 2008, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
wow. I don't even know.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
Amazing... purely just everything i am looking for. Every line i can relate to and i love your prose form. definently a finalist sweetie ♥
-
firstly i adore the title <3 v clever, and i completely get what you mean...
"Somewhere rain is falling and the sun is rising but you make me feel as if it all stopped" - love that line... really powerful and touching and beautifully simple. and then so ironic with the next line. v sharp.
sad ending... letting it go.
i love this lots and lots.
<333 love yoo honeyxxx
-
Beautifully done.......
I felt exactly what you were trying to get across....
sortof like "it only hurts when I'm breathing"
its like the pain is always there no matter what even when your sleeping "i wanted to believe in you" nicely written and you did this wonderfully!
thank you for entering this wonderful creative work of art into my contest!!!!!!!!
xxLisajazminexxXX
__________________________________________________________________
-
i really like the first part. honestly. i love how much emtion you put into it.
"I wanted to believe in you...."
wow i loved that line. very powerful.
i really loved this poem!
it was amazing.
so much emotion and meaning put into it!
i love you bbydoll
-
This is amazing. The flow and breaking of it is very good. Mostly I love that the words are so real and powerful. It definitely made me feel something. The emotion in this poem is overwhelming. The descriptive language and the metaphhores (I think that's the right word.) are awesome. Great and powerful work.
-
I have definitely read this at least five time, and I just scrolled down and saw that I haven't commented on it at all.
I don't know why, because I am absolutely in love with it.
It's so perfectly angry and emotional. I can relate to the feelings in it, and your words flow so fucking well.
It's really just an all around GREAT piece of writing. & you should be very very VERY proud of it. -
oh wow.
amazing.
and yes, I definitely felt a lot while reading this.
wonderful piece. -
Ooh, I love this. I love how it doesn't look like a poem but when you read it you know right away what it is. It just has the subtle flowing of a poem, and I love the title. It's just so (almost) off topic, but it fits perfectly. Very well done. =]
~Euphoric Weaver
P.S. That one poem of mine you liked that wasn't finished, is now finished. The title's her Essence Anew, so you know.
-
Love it! I like how the perspective illustrates the hopeless love but also the underlying attitude and the truth of the situation.
-
Kick Ass
I dont usually like broken hearted poems and shit. But this one had an unusual twist to it. I cant quite put my finger on it but it held me in someway. I was lost as I was reading. Had noting else on my mind at all. Then the end came along. And yes I certianly felt something. I absoultly love the metaphores you used in this poem. It is truely a great poem.
-
i definitely falt something as i read this so yes, you did do your job lol...i really really liked the last lines
Love.
Overrated.
Outdated.
Who the fuck am I kidding?
its so true &&& i really liked it a lot...
...i think what you added to it also really made the poem feel "whole" and you used a lot of words that werent cliche and with dirty pretty thats sometimes hard to do...thnaks for entering...great job
XchaoticXdisasterX -
i really like this so far...i really liked how it started out &&& i think that if you finish then it will be a really great piece...ill check it again when its finished...but if it doesnt happen...its still really good...thanks for entering...good luck
XchaoticXdisasterX -
-
I finished it =D
-
-
"Maybe I was hearing you on your knees preforming what you thought could've been an apology. (too bad you gave it to the wrong damn person.)"
your amazing bby. && i love you.
this is brilliantly beautiful, even if it's unfinished. hope it ends as wonderfully as it started, dear.
iloveyou
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
