As the days walked on crutches across my desk calendar at work,
I wanted to say that it got easier.
That I could breathe without a catch when I saw him. And I didn't make half moon imprints of nails, on the tender of my palms anymore,
when he stood in the same room at work too long.
But at some point, I have to stop lying to myself.
(I just didn't mean for it to be today)
Funny, how I carry a lion's pride in never lying to others. Guess that my sense of self worth is as the stock market during the Great Depression, it's not really something to talk about.
I continue to see him day after day. And no, we aren't ships in the night passing. We don't even get the glory of being Titanic with a grand show off the port, and the firework flares for help blasting into the sky one night shortly after. Shooting fire and light, like a Fourth of July gone terribly wrong, as we sink down to the sound of screams and oceans of tears.
We were never like that.
We are more like cancer. Where you develop the mutiny of cells that are killing each other and you don't even know it. Just one day you're sick and you don't know why. Just an ugly feeling in your soul.
Maybe you notice a strange shaped mole or lumpy breast,
that you suddenly stop and think 'Oh God'.
But God has nothing to do with it and never did. And even if there is a God, Cancer rocks your cradle now. You've a undelicate dance of death due to you. Hold a hand out to be led. No longer a matter of 'if';
the only question you have left to ask is 'When?'
When?
He's not mine. I don't really even get to know if he ever really was. It seemed like it. It seemed like we were happy once and we were swimming upriver and we were going to make it. Odds have an odd way of boosting mania and the idea that you're untouchable.
I could have sworn we would.
Problem was, he's male.
Problem was, I'm female.
Problem was, we developed cancer;
and we were long past the point of Chemotherapy by then.
(plus,
he'd never have forgiven me if I had lost my long hair)
Author notes
In a list
A contest entry
- search by CarCrashHumor.
800 points, ended August 1, 2007, 23 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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I didn't finish reading this. This reads as if it's prose, not a poem, and based on that I am removing it from my contest. I asked only for poems, nothing more.
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Honestly Nam. That's rude. If you wanted to remove it, that's your perogative. However, you could have at least offered some actual thoughts, as opposed to a cop out.
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If I read it, which I didn't, I would have. But, there's a reason why I asked for "poems" only: I do not have the attention span for prose anymore, at least not "modern" prose. So, how that exactly si a "cop-out" is beyond me. I was very clear in my rules, I believe I mentioned "poetry only" several times.
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There's a line, and it's thin. Obviously we're of differing opinions.
And you read enough in any one day, that that claim makes little sense. -
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You should read my author page - I read hardly anything anymore.
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That's a bald faced lie and you know it.
You read everything you come across. You can't help yourself. You're a damn vacuum. -
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Yeah, and none of them have been anything from this website; except what's in the forums. I haven't read a poem, not my own, in 2-3 days, I think.
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Ah... If I could only pull up your web page history, and spank you for the liar you are...
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Okay, I think I skimmed one poem today but it was based on something in the forums, and only reason why I skimmed it.
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emmmm hmmmmm Sure. ~cough~
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Your metaphor of cancer strikes home very deep. Without going into details I think this is exactly what happened to my most recent relationship. Only it took thirty years to be accurately diagnosted. Doctors........ what the hell do they know? Best of luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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Wow... this left me speechless. The metaphor is so beautiful.... I'm sorry, I can't say more, I'm stunned.
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Astounding. I'd love to see how this would be recieved by an audience if recited live.
-Curtis Meyer -
Wow what a twist... I too thought this would be another cancer story this was truly a great way of expressing what alot of us are going thru. I look forward to reading more of your writes.
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I love prose, and this was no exception. Great job. Sorry I can't leave a detailed comment I've got to run but keep it up, and congratulations on a poignant subject that was neither overly morose or at the other end of the scale, frivolous. Well done. xx
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Wonderful
Some people can use the most abstract things and make them wonderful. That is what you have done here. I admit that I clicked thinking it was about Chemo and cancer because I have cancer, but I think that you desribed everything perfectly. I like the way this was written, as if you were having a conversation with me, or I had asked what was wrong and you were telling me. This was again, very well written from a point of view that we all need more of once in a while.
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some poems or writings are best to be read........ and ear marked.. then one leaves...not always does the art need a prasie when the prasie is already in the art...
lovely writing -
What? Why? Where did this come from? Why did it materialize? Where's my fluff?
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Where did this come from? Inevitablity, mostly.
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Sad Poem
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FransB
This has taken me back to many memories I eventually 'poemed' in "The letter" a reflection on my final letter to my mom. She, better than I, would have grasped the contents of your writing. I can appreciate your metaphores, but more so the urge I had while reading what you wrote, to 'poem-format' [lack of words to express myself here] it. Both win and loss here, but wining over self and IT - the best. Thanks.
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I gotta say I dont like clicking on features cause I never like what I read...but I'm happy to report that I really enjoyed this piece. I esepcially liked the tone of it. To me, at least, the tone seemed like...hollow (I dont really know if thats the word I want to use)...like this is how it was and you might not like it, but you've come to some kind of terms with it...does that make sense? hmmm.
Anyway, I also loved the metaphores you presented. The cancer that poisoned the relationship until it was dead. Great metaphore.
Wonderful write!
S
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Best I've read in a while!!!
Really, this is the best piece of prose I've read in a while - your points have been well spent!! A lot of the stuff that gets featured, I'm sorry to say, really isn't that good. =/
But I really enjoyed this, it's excellent. I love the metaphores, and ESPECIALLY this part:
"Problem was, he's male.
Problem was, I'm female.
Problem was, we developed cancer;
and we were long past the point of Chemotherapy by then."
Awesome. Stunning. Imma go read some more of your work! =D KEEP IT UP!!!
Peace!!
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I appreciate you coming through, and expressing your thoughts.
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Wow! This is powerful. I had cervical cancer. But I am okay. Good luck in the contest. Blessed Be! ~~Shannon~~
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Wonderfully written, both in the metaphorical content and in what could be someones chemotherapy reality. My father passed away a few months ago after battling cancer....my life nearly passed away several years ago when I was in a relationship that developed cancer. Well done, in both respects.
~Lyrical
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Excellent
Wow on so many levels BW. I really like this. I'm a sucker for multi-level poetry anyway.
Excellent Work!
John
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