A golden tongue
licks at my soul
ripples within me
makes me feel whole
A light shines within
a burning white flame
it touches my senses
It eases my pain
A smoldering mouth
touches my own
scorches my lips
chars black to the bone
Jet eyes watch me wander
Red lips sooth and calm
Hands, hot on my body
linger and lead on
When the dream is over
and Night flees from Dawn
I curse the orange Sun
The true fire is gone
A contest entry
- Colour of the Wind by SeaWithYourHeart.
600 points, ended July 31, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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"A golden tongue
licks at my soul,"
I love the pertsonification of the flames here you have given them life from ana element of fire to an element of passion.
"A light shines within,"
This is like your soul or to me your concience. it is also an ancient wiccan belief that this white hot ball in your chest is a sign of purity and balance. I liked it very much.
"it touches my senses.
It eases my pain."
first person in this competition so far that has actually written the word senses. quite cool. I like the way your senses have been activeated as a kind of pain killer.
"A smoldering mouth
touches my own;
scorches my lips
chars black to the bone."
This whole verse fit it to me was parfecty. again parsonification and the continuous metaphor of the sensation which is either male or female that has lit the candle of fire and the burning sensation they give you. I like the way he burns your lips to show that love isnt all roses. I like the last line here
"chars black to the bone"
great allitaration and great use of language.
"I curse the orange Sun.
The true fire is gone."
I love the last line everything dwindles to embers and is snuffed out so that your senses are pleaseured by the day fires. if yiou see what i mean lol.
This is amazing well done good luck in my contest -
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Funny that you should mention the Wiccan belief about the white hot ball, because I'm Wiccan. But I wasn't thinking of that at the time, I was just thinking of the way Chris made me feel when he was alive. Thanks much for the comment!
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You did great with it I would say. And I am sorry for your lost.
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