You’re in your bed tucked in tight
You see a man coming out at night
Half blood half bones
You scream as he moans
He looks at you with an evil stare
You inch away with great beware
Every second closer he comes
Your heart is beating like ten drums
A devilish laugh fills the air
You do not breathe you do not dare
The man beholds a sharp bloody dagger
Your mind your heart they start to stagger
A petrified scream runs through the night
As the man in the dark laughs with delight
Your cold deadweight hands now lay on the ground
Your heart no more can start to pound
The man retreats into the night
The pain of death was such a big sight
Author notes
I know this poem is a little rough but it was my first write. I hope you enjoy!
A contest entry
- Sick and Twisted 7 by Acidanthra.
700 points, ended September 12, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ages 13 and younger: SCARE ME!!!!!!! by Sky Prince Ireland.
900 points, ended October 16, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Quite thorough for a first poem. I enjoyed it. Thanks very much for entering. Good luck.
Brian -
It is a very good write for a beginning. You can always revise it by adding more details, such as more fear, gore, sickness of the killer's mind, and evil behaviors. I began somewhere too, we all did, and that is how you become a better poet.
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Again I must draw on my feeble vocabulary to discribe your astounding poems. Just....I'm speechless....I love to feeling you put into this piece, my fav line's are 'Your cold deadweight hands now lay on the ground, Your heart no more can start to pound' It felt almost like a darkly morbid story....Your overflowing with talent. Loved it, yet again.
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Welcome to All Poetry !
Oh yes I do like your poem and it is very dark and mysterious. What an imagination you have!Keep writing young poet! Try to enter some of the contest for our younger poets also
If you need any help here at AP please don't hesitate to contact myself or any other online Greeter. We are always willing to help
Gaylene
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HOLY "AJF;LKADJF2O8U3R"
*CENSORED*
THIS IS......JUST......ASTOUNDING. DARK......EVIL.....VIOLENT......SUCH AGONY AND PAIN, OMG. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE.....FOR A 10 YEAR OLD, GEEZ. Are these dreams? Where do you get this all from?? Wow.....what in the world do you watch at night for movies? You are SOOOO talented.
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Im in shock
Darling this is a wonderful poem...and I'm not too sure whether or not to say well done, brilliant write or to ask what is wrong.... a ten year old writting a poem of this content is...is.... scary as hell
Like I've said already you have talent and dont stop...but I'd like a happy poem haha
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